Wednesday, 7 November 2012

Following a Trend

Inexperienced as I am with maths, I think that I got the following equation correct:
Sex-positive ≠ BD/SM

Sex-positive blog ≠ BD/SM blog

I'll explain.

A lot of people would do well to remember this, in my humble opinion. Some sex blogs - but not all - are focused around BD/SM, which is perfectly understandable, if BD/SM is your kink and you want to be openly exploring it. This is fine - but it's also fine to be perfectly vanilla, or pansexual, or experimenting, or a virgin. Or whatever you consider is important to you and your sex life. It's your sex life, after all, and essentially it's your blog.

I read a lot of blogs, and being a sex blogger myself, naturally the genre I read is very similar - as I'm sure you know. A lot of my friends (and some of my best friends... and, indeed, my girlfriend) are sex bloggers too. I love the community, I love the networking aspect, I love the people, and I love how open about sex people in this community can be...


Since 50 Shades of Grey was released, it's been almost universally reviled by not just the BD/SM community, but the sex-positive community at large (although I don't claim to be representative of either, I have yet to hear a single positive thing about that book). As a backlash to this, a lot of blogs - noticeably - have taken to recording more BD/SM exploits than they otherwise would have. (Not mentioning any names, but you probably know the blogs I'm talking about.) I believe the rationale behind this goes something like:

This woman clearly doesn't know anything about BD/SM. Let's show her how it's done.

Which is also fine. The problem I have with this is that, not only has it changed the style of some blogs I know and love (not necessarily for the worse; it's just not what I've come to expect), it's also thrown almost the entire sex blogging community into a different sort of light. Some of my non-sex-blogging friends (read: everyone's favourite young raver) have regarded sex blogs as entirely written by BD/SM practitioners, which couldn't be further from the truth. We're also getting a lot more stuff around the blogosphere about being a strong submissive, a desire to be dominant, fantasies about being tied up, toys that hurt, spanks, restraints, teasing and orgasm denial.

This blog isn't about any of that. I'm pretty much vanilla, as you know, and any bit of light bondage I've indulged in over the years has been nothing more than fun. I don't enjoy pain and I don't really have much of a kink (apart from pleasure) - and something that makes me feel almost as if I don't belong in this community. Me. I've been part of the sex blog community since 2007 and more recently it seems as if I'm not kinky enough.

I don't have anything against BD/SM or kink, just as I don't have anything against sex. I think sex is wonderfully adaptable, insofar as you can turn it to suit whatever gets you off or whatever you think suits you. But please, everyone, don't start equating liking sex to liking BD/SM. It's not the same thing, it's not the same attitude, and it's certainly not representative or the entire blogosphere - not as I know it.

Because, as I'm sure you're aware too, you don't have to be hurting to enjoy sex.

No comments: