Monday, 15 October 2012

Hard Porn Monday

I had a strange longing, earlier on, to watch hardcore. Which, as I'm sure you'll know if you read this blog, isn't like me at all. I don't like hardcore. I don't like the people in it (although I'm sure they're lovely people), I don't like the angles, I don't like the explicit bits and I don't like the lack of plot. But earlier on today, I found myself wanting to have a peek at some hardcore porn. Really not sure why.

I haven't dived into the murky depths of hard porn for a while, preferring as I do to windsurf gaily through the frothy upper currents of softcore. That isn't to say that I don't know how to do it; I just... don't know how to do it.

Obviously I wasn't going to watch any of the hardcore DVDs I actually own. I wanted to find something new, fresh in the mind and, uhm, not shit. It isn't easy, when you consider how fast my trigger finger taps through the timeline of many hardcore videos thinking something along the lines of, "boring... boring... yawn... is that possible?... is that legal?.. has she broken a bone?... Batman angle... cumshot. Lame. Next?"

I surfed through RedTube, putting classically vague terms into the search box, like "sex", "kisses", "some more sex", and "make me orgasm, you insidious blackguard". Nothing really worked... until I found a video with one iota of plot - that is to say, there was a plot. It was lame, stupid and offensive, but it put some ideas in as to who the characters were and why they were having sex, although she was supposed to be a virgin and clearly knew what to do, so maybe it wasn't that realistic.

But at least it worked... which makes me wonder why I didn't stick with softcore. At least I know those stories well enough to recite!

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

So what was it?

Innocent Loverboy said...

Not sure I can remember. Had a lasting effect on me, obviously.