Monday, 8 October 2012

Break

As of yesterday evening, I'm no longer in a relationship with Catherine. This isn't the place to go through all reasons and methods (well, it is, but I said I wouldn't), so I'll just say a few things.

I ended the relationship. It is the worst thing I've ever done and, no matter what anyone says, I do feel incredibly guilty about it. At the worst stages, I felt more like a villain than anything else. However, a lot of level-headed thinking says I did the right thing. Our relationship wasn't healthy for either of us. There were issues with distance, differences of opinion and interest, and the fact that I write this blog was probably a big factor in it.

However, the crucial deciding factor was that, as much as I like Catherine for who she is, I didn't think our relationship was working as well as it should have done and we needed to concentrate on being who we were individually.

I said that I wanted to end the relationship on a train to see her just before we were going to go on holiday. Yes, incredibly bad timing, I know. But it would have been worse if I'd just gone there directly, sat her down and said, "okay, we need to talk about our relationship." It would have been even worse if I'd gone through an entire week's holiday pretending to have a good time, all the while wondering how to say, "this isn't right, we should break up."

I know, essentially, that I did the right thing. But I hurt somebody I care about, and so in a lot of ways, I feel like I did the wrong thing.

But that is what happened, and that's how it stands.

Comments not allowed on this entry, but if you want to talk to me, you probably know where to find me.