Thursday, 9 August 2012

General Grievous

Having an orgasm when you've got a cold is not the most pleasant of experiences. I mean, yes, an orgasm is pleasant and everything, but I found out the hard way that when you're using tissues for cleaning up bodily fluids other than semen, maybe bringing yourself to the peak isn't the best of ideas.

Or maybe it's just me.

I don't know about you (really, I don't - I don't know who you are. Tell me who you are, and I'll know.), but I tend to cough when I'm nearing orgasm, or more often than not when I'm post-orgasm. I'm not sure why. Interestingly (it needs investigation, and I'm willing to volunteer here), when I orgasm lying on my back, I tend to cough less than when I'm sitting up to masturbate (I've never had sex in a sitting position so can't compare. Lame.) - my breathing is more apparent, but I cough less, if not at all.

My working hypothesis (I'm too posh to use the word prediction) is that while lying full on my back, and stretching out before I achieve orgasm - those of you who have seen my bed, visualise that if it helps paint a mental picture - I have much more space around my lungs to regulate my breathing. While sitting up, I usually hunch a bit, which compresses both lungs and diaphragm, and when the cardiovascular effect of masturbation culminates in an end point, my chest compresses and I cough to expel any excess CO2 and thus restart the process of respiration:

C6H12O6 + O2 ENERGY + CO2 + H2O

Check me out, using science.

But I digress. While I usually cough once or twice during and/or following orgasm, it changes when I'm predisposed towards coughing anyway. I cough once or twice, and when I begin to inhale, my body immediately remembers that it's an invalid, and I double forwards again into a spasm of hideous, rasping coughs, trying to avoid dripping any cum on the floor, drawing in shuddering, desperate breaths and at one point bending over so violently I hit my head on my desk and fell calamitously to the floor, causing the audience to laugh and applaud (and I hear that whoever wrote that scene will be up for a BAFTA).

It's not an overly pretty sight, I'll admit. And thus I've been having less orgasms recently. But, hey, y'know what? My sex drive is climbing back upwards recently, so that's always a positive. Now... to get rid of this cold before the weekend... er, any ideas?


Rhye said...

Coughing is the body's way of speeding up the flow of blood to your brain, which needs to be done after orgasm, apparently. The reason why you cough less on your back is because you have gravity on your side.

You're welcome =P

Innocent Loverboy said...