Wednesday, 11 July 2012

Out of Time

How do I feel? I can answer that question with a few things. Tired. Hungry. Thirsty. I'm not in a bad mood - I'm not lonely or sad or scared - but I feel generally worn out and a little run down. There's a wedding I'm going to at the weekend which hasn't been prepared properly, by all accounts, but after that I can relax. By "relax", I mean "eat mega amounts of food and work from 9 until 12 every day, then go home and slack off". Because that's what I'll do.

But that's in the future. Here I am, halfway through this week, and I don't really feel like I'm particularly going anywhere. I get home in the evening and I have plans - they're not exactly fully formulated, exactly realised plans, but they're there, if vague - and yet I don't really do any of them. Hell, I was going to do a TMI Tuesday yesterday, but I didn't because all of my answers would have been lacklustre or really depressing.

Or both. Probably both.

Definitely both.

I spend my evenings feeling horny and frustrated. I talk to people and I browse blogs, but I never really find (or even make) the time to indulge in sexual intimacy with myself, at least not until bedtime, when I masturbate to orgasm lying on my back on my bed. It's fun when I orgasm, because my back arches and the propulsion makes me bounce a little on the mattress - a bit like a sitcom, only with semen - but it's not the ideal position for me, really. I masturbate more easily sitting down, and more intensively standing up - although by the time it's 11pm and my brain is telling me that I need to lie down...

...not sleep. I don't sleep well, but my muscles will need a rest at least...

...it's all I can do to lift my arm, even though my fertile imagination needs very little to activate it. (Another) problem is that, when I'm distracted, even my mind tends to wander off and go somewhere, so sometimes I've rarely been getting that far. I am, essentially, running out of time... with a weary body.

I shall recover. I'll regain my energy, get my sex drive back, use my time wisely, become interesting once more. It just might take me a while to do that. But I imagine it'll happen at the weekend... although perhaps not at the wedding. That'd be a bit awkward.

I'll let you know.

But first! Work!

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