Wednesday, 4 July 2012

I.D.

I don't know if this is obvious or not, but I feel like I should make this clear. Yes, I'm talking to you, man on the tube.

IF YOU'RE HAVING AN AFFAIR, TALKING ABOUT IT LOUDLY WHILE WEARING A NAME BADGE IS PROBABLY NOT THE WAY TO GO ABOUT THINGS.

I wrote that in capitals because it looks as if you're into capital letters. Every single detail on your badge was printed in clear capital letters (bolded, no less), including your full name, occupation and place of work. You were even talking in capital letters - as a result, I heard every single word of your conversation. You even had the scent of some form of alcoholic beverage about you, and your friend - whose name, occupation and place of work I also divined - didn't help much, as he was clearly keener to find out about your infidelity than the rest of the carriage, or at least ILB, who found out anyway.

Maybe you can't live with your girlfriend or without her. And maybe she doesn't know about whomever sly-wink-and-shoulder-nudge might be referring to. Maybe, as your friend suggested, she is pulling the same thing on you and that's why she keeps coming home late every night. Or maybe there's an entirely innocent explanation for everything (well, everything apart from the fact that you work in a hospital and have still been drinking beer with your workmate at 5pm). I'm innocent, so I should know if there is.

Every second word of your conversation appeared to be fuckin',
and clearly "difficult" isn't the only thing you're fuckin'. But, please pay attention to me. For your sake, and hers, and that of your friend, and whomever it is that doesn't deserve a name other than a nudge and wink.

Take your name badge off.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Haha class.

Cath said...

I saw a man with a badge declaring he was Simon Hughes MP on the tube once kissing someone who was clearly not his wife or gay lover.