Sunday, 17 June 2012

Soft Porn Sunday: Kim Yates & Nicholas Franklin Bray

Why do this scene if I know so little about it? I own the scene, but I've never seen the film - and after looking at it on IMDb, I don't particularly want to. The plot seems ridiculous in the extreme and it doesn't even seem enjoyable for the camp charm that some of the other films have. Kim Yates is a pretty lady, but that's not really enough to justify buying a DVD of a film I just may not like.

So why do this scene? Simple: the music sounds exactly like Down By The Riverside. In fact, is actually is Down By The Riverside and, although that segues into some other music, it's the theme that they keep returning to as the sex progresses. While at camp a couple of weeks back, I sang Down By The Riverside (if you don't know it, it's a fantastic anti-war group song... look it up, it's great to sing!) and so, in honour of camp, I present here...


Appearance: Timegate: Tales of the Saddle Tramps (1999)
Characters: Jenifer & Howard

I don't know enough about the plot (it involves time travel; that's as much as I know) or characters, so I can't really give an analysis of this. Howard is played by Bray, who also plays the sheriff - but as I haven't seen the sheriff, I don't know much about that either. I can tell you he's got a pathetic attempt at a beard, but that's about it. They've also spelled "Jennifer" without a double N, and that just looks wrong.

This is a long scene (I have it split into 4 MPEGs, although that's how it was downloaded; I'm sure you could put 'em all together). It all takes place on a porch outside a building (which is cool, outdoor sex is hot), negating the need for any interesting backdrop. Softcore has various backdrops, but a lot of care is often put into things like Virgins Of Sherwood Forest (mountains in Nottingham? Still, they tried) or the décor in Bedtime Stories. Here, apart from the prop house, you don't need much. There are trees, of course - real, actual, honest-to-God trees. In fact, were it not for the trees themselves, you may have trouble remembering they're outside (not as stupid as it sounds; the way it's shot often doesn't focus on the wonderful scenery), so that's a nice twist.

She's a natural blonde, I think.Howard is dressed in a plain black shirt, but Jenifer (Yates, doing her best "doe-eyed innocence" act here) starts off in blue and white. The first half of the scene is composed entirely of disrobing and kissing (although I would have preferred more mouth kisses than they have here), the focus being on Jenifer's bare torso - in fact, it's not until one minute and thirty-four seconds in that we see the chair they're sitting in! - but Jenifer then spends a lot more kissy time being clothéd below the waist, and with nothing on top. Those of you who know me well will probably have guessed why I like this bit of the scene...

By the time we're halfway through, Yates has completely disrobed, and we get a few full pans of her naked body - which, all naked bodies considered, is a nice one, albeit maybe a little too skinny in places - while Howard (Bray) hasn't taken his trousers off yet! Still, he's busy with kissing bits of her, which I like. It's good to see him paying attention to his female partner. Three-quarters of the time through and we finally do get a little sex.

It all happens on a chair. The first bit, shot partially from behind and partially from the side (with a couple of quite
It's one of those anorexia trigger pictures, isn't it? random thigh-and-crotch shots), show her sitting on him in a kind of chair-based reverse cowgirl effort. A quick turn around and it's the same position, only they're facing each other this time - and then she leans back a bit (show-off!) before - well - it all ends, really. It's not great sex acting, as the rocky movements are there, but there's not much effort put into it. Bray makes some faces, which has the curious effect of having Howard looking somewhere between enjoying himself and scared. Yates is going for the confident "yeah, I'm having sex and this is normal for me, so I have a serious face on," which - to me - isn't the best expression. I've always preferred the "can't quite believe this is happening to me, I'm so lucky!" face. However, they are in a chair, and therefore most movements and positions would be restricted. They could have been more creative, but they just - chose not to, I suppose.

In fact, strangely for a sex scene, this is one where the foreplay excites me more than the actual sex. Ironically, this is a bit of an anticlimax when they... well... climax! The unclothing goes on a bit, but there are some seductive bits to it, and when it gets to the intercourse, neither of them look like they're having a lot of fun! Kim Yates has another sex scene in this film - on a bed, I'll admit - in which it's a lot clearer that she's enjoying it. Here, she just appears to be doing it. That's not cool. And Howard basically does very little apart from getting sat on, so he's hardly worth discussion. Cinematography's okay as it goes, but there are a lot of mix cuts in it, and that does get tiresome after - well, after a very short amount of time, in fact.

But the real reason I like the first half... well, it's the music, innit? Okay, even if it wasn't an anti-war cry I know all the words to, it's a folk tune (played on a banjo, nice "authentic country feel" there) remixed into softcore music. That's really quite clever. But by the end it's basically a drum beat and none of the original tune's left, which is a shame. It would have been nice, in fact, to hearken back to Down By The Riverside at the end of the scene, but there's no such luck. Seems they just forget about it. Details, people, details!

So, out of ten, I'd give this... fish. It's an OK sex scene, but (apart from the music) there's not much special about it. Kim Yates has a lot of better sex scenes than this, and Nicholas Franklin Bray is in an action drama called The Scrapper from 2012, so if you're a fan of either of them, there's more than this scene to get your teeth into. But I keep coming back to this one... even if I don't end up coming to it. Why? Well, do I even need to explain?

I ain't gonna study war no more!...

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