"I tried to download The Old Republic," I said, "but I don't have enough space on my hard drive." This wasn't exactly true, but not far off. If by "space on" I meant "time" and by "hard drive" I meant "life" it would have been more true. I also didn't want to mention the fact that I've never played an MMO. Concept doesn't appeal to me.
"Okay then," said my pervy colleague, lifting his second beer. "Delete some of the porn off your hard drive and then you'll have the space!"
"I don't have any porn on my hard drive," I said, truthfully this time. I didn't mention the external HD or the 25 CD-Rs I've got in a case somewhere. But that's not what he asked.
"You've got porn though, right?"
"So where is it?"
I wasn't about to go through every nook and cranny of my soft porn collection, not when I've done it so many times before. "Well, I've got these DVDs," I ventured.
"Hard or soft?" he said, accusingly.
"Soft," I replied.
An hour later he was still going on about it.
"But men don't like soft porn! It's not for men!" he kept saying, after I'd patiently explained to him that soft porn is much more of an art form, the cinematography, music, acting, set-up and storyline is all important, and that I think Charlize Theron looks better with longer hair. Although I'm not sure how that came up, exactly, but I distinctly remember saying so.
"Well, I like it."
"Why? The storyline?! Dude, porn doesn't need to have a storyline! It's all about sex!"
"Well, what turns me on isn't about the sex itself. It's about the people involved, why they're having sex, what situation they're in, whether they should be having sex or not, where they're having sex, what the décor is like..." I could tell he wasn't listening. I'd told him earlier on that I'm not really a fan of lesbian scenes and I think he was still physically hurting from that one.
"Okay, okay, okay," he said, suggesting that something was okay. "What about you?" he said to a slightly startled client, leaning over me so as to both push me aside and get a bit of a look at her breasts. "Do you prefer hard or soft porn?"
I could tell she was thinking.
"Soft," she said.
I wonder if he'll be back next week.