Monday, 30 April 2012

Trouty mouth

I have a wound on the right-hand side of my mouth, and IT'S ALL MY FAULT... I was shaving rather zealously with my faithful electric razor last night (although to look at me you wouldn't know I'd had a shave at all), and managed to catch the skin in between my lips. After the necessary blood-flow, washing my face and trying to stem the sanguine stream with a flannel, I finished up shaving and went back to my daily business of pissing about online, reading books and longing for bed.

Upon awakening this morning I found that the place where I'd cut my skin had healed, but swelled up to a size noticeable to the touch. Touch, that is, by both fingers and tongue, but now that I know it's there, it's even harder to resist licking it, like some self-obsessed cat that's convinced his own cheek is made of milk. Yes, it's painful. Really quite painful, to be brutally honest. But it's a small, concentrated wound that's in a place with lots of nerve endings; ergo: it hurts.

I'll live, but my first thought was: "giving oral sex with this will be really painful."

Yes, that was my first thought. I didn't even think of talking, eating, yawning or any of the other activities which involve opening my mouth (which is when it hurts the most, natch). I barely even thought of kissing. In all honesty, I visualised myself giving oral sex to a girl and thought, "yeah, can't do that for a while - it'd hurt."

It's not like I even plan on engaging in oral sex any time soon. Not that it's generally a planned event; I don't write "oral sex, three o'clock" in my diary (although now I'm going to, because that will amuse me) alongside "pay in cheque", "see off 47" or "write the damned poem already" (ought to do that, really). But, short story even shorter - I'm probably not going to be licking any girls out at any point over the next day or so. Next time I actually find my head in between some wonderful thighs, there probably won't be this tiny wound in between my lips and I'll be free to open my mouth as wide as I damn well please once more.

Although, in case you're curious about hypothetical situations, I probably still would give oral sex... even if it hurt a bit. See, my heart's in the right place after all.

1 comment:

Cath said...

Your mouth still worked better than my vagina.