Sunday, 18 December 2011

Soft Porn Sunday Special: The Unknown

There's something I remember and I want to see if it makes me orgasm.

Unfortunately, I don't know what it is.

I'm not even aware which late-night cable channel I saw this on. My gut feeling says UK Living, because that was a series more likely to show this than L!VE TV (who mostly showed their own stuff... and closed down in 1999) or Bravo (who mostly showed Surrender Cinema stuff and '70s sex comedies at times - although it could have been them, but I doubt it). But that's a very fuzzy memory. I'm pretty certain, however, that it existed, because I saw two episodes of it.

What I remember is this: it was an "instructional" series starring Kira Reed (whom I know well, both from Sexcetera and a plethora of softcore flicks throughout my teenage years), with each half-hour episode featuring a different area of sex to explore (one was about undressing, one was about light bondage). It was set ostensibly in London - in fact, I can remember the opening sequence:

"Hi, I'm Kira Reed. [something something something]... but I've never been to London, England before. [something something something]."

Hmmm, maybe I don't remember it as well as I'd thought. Anyway.

Despite the opening sequence I can't actually remember any indication that it was in London at all. It featured interviews with people who were probably sexperts (although I can't remember), and short sections called "Kira's Hot Tips!" which featured Kira in a "69" baseball shirt (wildly original there) with her giving instructions in a sultry voice. What I do remember well, however, is that it featured a softcore scene at the end of each show. This was weird, because it completely and suddenly blurred the line between fact and fiction. As this was unannounced, I was quite taken aback (pleasantly) by this sudden twist. The continuity announcer said something like, "and you can see more from Kira in... [the programme name]... tomorrow at the same time, and she may well find a way to get involved herself once more!" Indicative of a recurring motif? I'd like to find out.

And that's what's bugging me... I can't remember. Not at all. It doesn't show up on her IMDB page, despite the fact that it lists practically everything that was ever made, ever. It's not one of those documentaries and there's no comprehensive list of her official site. And, of course, without knowing its title I can't find any scenes online. In fact, there's no indication that it existed at all.

But it did. I just have no idea what it was called.

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