Tuesday, 20 December 2011

FAQ V

It's that time of year again! This FAQ is a redesign that I've had in my head for about six months (that's how far ahead I plan), in order to compress the previous four FAQs into those six classic questions...

WHO?
  • I write under the pseudonym "Innocent Loverboy". Sorry to shatter any illusions that that may actually be my real name. Most people call me "ILB"; some even do in real life. I also write under other names, including my real one, but that is a rare occurrence. Most of my writing is here, although I wrote and self-published a book once, and I have submitted pieces elsewhere, except those never got anywhere.
  • I don't have a job at the moment, but I'm looking. I am highly qualified, with two degrees, a couple of professional qualifications, and... er... term one of intermediate Japanese. I've been to four different HE universities/colleges throughout my life. I have had some (but not many) jobs in the past. For obvious reasons, I'm not going to be explicit about any of them - the one thing I will be open about is that I have worked with children several times.
  • I am fascinated by love and sex, mostly from an artistic/aesthetic point of view. I don't like to try and deconstruct what I write about as much as I like to enjoy it. I've been interested in love from a very young age and continually developed crushes which never got anywhere. I developed an interest in sex at about 11, having found out about it at the age of 2, although I rarely ever mentioned it at school. I got into softcore porn during this time and still consider myself something of an expert.
  • At the age of 17 I had my first kiss, with Soldiergirl, a young lady who is now married with two children(!). I later got my first girlfriend, Rebecca, who I was with for almost a year and a half before she left me for another man. She recently died from breathing complications. I was single for years afterwards, during which I had sex with Louise, Alicia, Lily and snowdrop. At 23 I met and fell in love with a seamstress who eventually turned into a drinker. We were together for two and a half years, until she dumped me for reasons I still don't understand. About six months later, I found myself in a relationship with a virgin. We're still in that relationship. She's not a virgin any more.
  • I have never successfully asked anyone out; all three relationships so far just seemed to happen. The one time I asked someone out, she said no. I never tried again.
  • I am ruled by my heart as opposed to my head and I like that; I have never tried to change it at all and I never want it to change. I am a good person; I do good things for people, occasionally at the expense of myself. I am shy and awkward, but I am very good at putting on a mask of bravado and have a stage presence. In my spare time, I play music and do stand-up. I love to read. I play video games. I'm half angel. I am a vegetarian, pacifist, socialist and advocate of free speech. I am a member of The Green Party. I have been in The Woodcraft Folk for twenty years (since I was six years old). I don't like bananas.

WHAT?
  • This is a blog about sex. Of course, given my verbose nature you'll find more than just posts about sex here - I will also write about dating and relationships, love and romance, and the occasional humorous post. Although the overall theme of this blog is about love and sex, if I think something's funny or interesting, I'll put it here. As I was saying recently to someone, ILB gets a much bigger readership than my personal non-sexy blog, and I think my friends who read this will appreciate funny or interesting stuff a bit more than Joe Blogs who hangs around my LiveJournal. But most of the posts here are around the vague theme.
  • What makes this blog different from other sex blogs (other than the person writing it) is that there aren't any fancy colours, flamboyant headings, random naked pictures, copy-and-pasted monthly lists of blogs or adverts for 459387150 different sex toy companies on the sidebar. The layout is designed to be open and friendly, easy to navigate and non-oppressive. It's very simple and that, I think, makes my blog easier to read. The most extravagant thing about this blog (other than the person writing it) is the right-hand sidebar with those really simple buttons.
  • I don't take part in a lot of blogging memes, especially the ones that involve nudity, mostly because I think my body is physically hideous, but you will find very rare HNTs, some TMI Tuesdays, and Soft Porn Sunday, where I take a moderately satirical look at a scene from soft porn that I like, and eventually say why I like it. Yes, it's an excuse to watch soft porn. Get over it. I have also both taken part in and completed four NaBloPoMos. Some of those have yielded some of my favourite posts ever.
  • This blog is totally non-commercial. I have occasionally provided reviews of products and porn, but those have always been totally honest and not always positive. I don't do affiliate links, in-text adverts or anything to monetise what is essentially a hobby (although admittedly a hobby that takes up most of my life). I will review things and attend events for sex writers, but I don't want to make any money out of this. It's too much fun.
  • This blog has been featured in Rori's Top 100 Sex Bloggers of 2009 (at the amazingly high position of #97), and of 2011 (at the astronomical #88). I also have profiles on Twitter, Formspring, Technorati, Google, and Quora, although I'm not sure how that last one happened.

HOW?
  • This blog is created using Blogger, as opposed to any other blogging software, although I am much more seasoned in using LiveJournal, which was a better service before they started using adverts and it suddenly became terrible. I follow people using Wordpress, Dreamwidth, Tumblr and other things too, and there's no specific reason for me using Blogger as opposed to anything else. I just used it because it was there. There's no particular reason for changing, either, so I won't.
  • Being pseudonymous myself, I use other names for people who turn up on my blog - most of them are other bloggers who come ready-made with their own nom de plume! The main other names you'll find here are 47, Robinson and H - they are all friends of mine. There are lots of other people, of course, but you'll discover them in due course. Or just scroll back and read my entire blog, you'll find them somewhere.
  • I divide my blogroll into three sections, although this doesn't actually reflect my opinion on the blogs linked to at all; heroic bloggers update regularly, or have done so within the last month, whereas villainous bloggers are people I love whose blogs are no longer active, but their back catalogue is worth a read. Blogs I like but which aren't specifically about dating, love or sex are marked as unaligned. But if I've ever blogrolled you, past or present, it's a good bet that I love you.
  • Most of the designs I use (including both versions of my logo and the button which may have led you to this FAQ) are my own creation. I do like to keep things as simple as possible if I can.

WHY?
  • Ah, now this is a question! The typical answer which I'd give if I were asked by someone I didn't know would be something along the lines of, "I didn't see many sex blogs written by boys, except for pictures of cocks or men acting like cocks, so I started one of my own." This isn't strictly true... mostly because I didn't see any sex blogs written by boys when I started. I wasn't egomaniacal enough to believe I was the only one, but definitely the famous ones, such as the ones featured on the Channel 4 documentary, were written by girls. And anyone asked to name a sex blog will probably still name either Abby Lee's blog or Belle de Jour (both of whom I've met; hey, girls!). And there's some truth in that I'm aware my views on love and sex are atypical when compared to the usual stereotype of boys in their 20s. But I don't think that's the real reason.
  • Another reason was, "well, I wasn't getting any sex, so I thought I'd tell the world about that." This is an answer I gave to Emily Dubberley's boyfriend at a screening of a Lovers' Guide film, and although I did it purely for the lulz, there's an inkling of truth in that as well. I did write a very explicit, very frank post in my LJ about how I'd become very sexually aware after coming back from university, and how I was having trouble expressing myself, particularly as I wasn't having sex. I got a lot of open and honest responses from it, which gratified me as my writing had encouraged a lot of people to talk freely about their sexuality online. But as it was on a blog which my parents read, I had to hide it in a locked post, and I don't agree with censorship, so I did feel a bit guilty for doing that. However, it got me thinking - if one entry could elicit responses, what about more than one? Two? Hundreds?
  • I don't think there's one actual reason why I write a sex blog, but if I had to some it up in one word, I'd choose something wanky like: "catharsis". I love to write. And what's more, people consistently tell me I can write. I don't know why, but allegedly I can. I just put my fingers on the keys and go. I rarely even redraft. But I love to write, and I do get people telling me I'm a good writer. It's a situation I like because I get to write more. Through employment, unemployment, education, training, whatever... I continue to write. And I'm writing about sex, which I wanted to do but never could, and what's more, people are reading it. I get over 100 hits a day on this thing, and even though most of them are me, somebody's reading this. Somebody's reading my views on sex. And if they're horny, if they're interested, if they're laughing... well, I did that. And that's a fantastic feeling. That's a wordgasm.

WHERE?
  • I live in a house in North London with my parents and my cat, Willow. Previous residents have included my sister, who has moved elsewhere in London, and my gran, who is now in a nursing home but comes to visit a lot. My cousin also lived here this year, but he has since moved back to the Mull of Kintyre, Scotland, which looks more and more like a penis every time I look at it. I've never had a brother, and having him living in the attic was the closest I've ever had to that experience.
  • I have never lived elsewhere for a significant period of time. Until I was 2, we lived in a different house, about 15 minutes from where I am now. I was in the Midlands for my first degree, but decided not to stay there and defaulted back to London. As my best friend lives in Kent and my girlfriend in Leeds, I do a lot of travelling, which I quite like. I also don't need to stay in London and this may well change in the future, but for now, I'm static where I am.
  • My father is originally from Scotland, but he is a thespian so, like me, speaks with an RP accent (Gran still has her Borders twang). My mother is from Battersea (although she calls it "south Chelsea"). My mother's extended family all live within a quarter-of-a-mile radius from this house. This means that every Christmas is spent with a varying number of people averaging 16 to 18. Also, everyone appears to have a key to everywhere, except me, for some reason.
  • You can find this blog here. There is an RSS feed at the bottom of the page if you want to sign up to it, and you can also read the posts on Sex-Press or Technorati, but the best place to go it here. I read all the blogs on my roll by opening each one individually in separate tabs. I suggest you do the same.

WHEN?
  • I was born on the seventeenth of March, 1985. I was a week late, probably because I hadn't finished reading Great Expectations in the womb and wanted to know the ending. I was eventually born by emergency caesarean section, because it looked like I wasn't going to make it. As the first grandchild, I was then the centre of attention for four and a half years. On the sixteenth of August, 1989, my little sister was born, and my whole family promptly forgot about me. It hasn't changed since.
  • My first ever blog post was made on November 29, 2001. On 21 December, 2007, I wrote my first post in ILB. This is my 734th post, with this year (2011) being the year in which I've made the most posts - almost a hundred more than in 2010.

And because this was a lot of text, you probably haven't read it all, but if you have, many thanks to you. Thanks also to you if you're one of the people I've actually met. If you're Lady P or Blacksilk, thanks again. If you're Catharine, I love you. If you're someone I started talking to this year, then thanks for keeping me company. If you're a casual observer, thanks for reading this small but important bit of text.

Here's a picture of a cat.

19 comments:

Catharine said...

You weren't actually as mean about yourself as I thought you'd be...

and I love you too! and it's a lovely cat.

Innocent Loverboy said...

From last year's FAQ:

I'm tall for my age. I'd describe myself as 'average build' - or I used to on dating sites - even though I do have a slightly large stomach. I'm not a round person though, I'm a thin guy who got fat.

Mean enough about myself for you?

Catharine said...

can't you be mean about the cat instead? :p

Innocent Loverboy said...

Can't really. It's not my cat.

Catharine said...

All the more reason to be mean about it then? Go on, bully the cat!

ladypandorah said...

Aww! Bless you two lovebirds!

Happy 5th birthday to your blog, ILB! Always a pleasure and a delight to read and when it isn't, if you're expressing a more... 'mopey' side to you, we're all appreciative of your thoughts.

Best wishes as ever,
LP x

Rose said...

*Went all giggly when she read that you're a vegetarian*

ladypandorah said...

Darn it. I can't count. FOUR years. Good thing I'm not in the numbers business

LP x

Innocent Loverboy said...

@C: I can't bully cats! I love them all!

@LP: It's okay, numbers are boring. Your strength is words, and I identify. Thanks for the good wishes. I much appreciate them. And you, of course.

@R: I've been a vegetarian since I was 9. That's never made anyone giggle before. It usually elicits tutting. Mind you, the reaction I get when I tell people I'm a Christian is often wildly more exaggerated as well...

[Word verification started with the letters CAT, appropriately enough.]

Rose said...

*Likes meat, no wait, loves meat* As long as you eat healthy and don't look as weak an white as some vegetarians I know it's okay ;)

Catharine said...

Cats are rubbish. I think we're going to get divorced.

Innocent Loverboy said...

@R: I'm chubby around the middle and don't look weak. I just look a bit fat. Healthy? Not sure. My diet is pretty varied but I do tend to default to the same things when I'm out of ideas or supplies. But hey, if it's tasty food, then it's tasty. So why scrabble around for new things when you know it works?

@C: You've got to admit they're better than dogs.

ladypandorah said...

I'm with ILB on this one, CathARine. Cats rule. Dogs drool. This may be the end of our friendship. But I hope not.

LP x
(word verification - 'pienisac' Sounds like Penis Sack.)

barenakedlady said...

Thank you for meeting me, putting up with me and being a fantastic guy. How you kept your cool in the middle of Hamleys is beyond me. You are truly an angel and I'm richer for having you in my life.

I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and I'm sending you and Catharine many many hugs and love.

Fuck, that cat does not look happy.


(word verification: ANTICOAT- how is that not brilliant?)

Innocent Loverboy said...

@LP: Isn't "cats rule and dogs drool" from a Disney movie? Homeward Bound, if I remember correctly? Mind you, I only know that from a trailer, so maybe you can forgive my memory being a little sketchy.

@BNL: Because I'm so cool. Evidently.
The cat looked happier when I first saw the picture. I think he's cute. Maybe he's a bit annoyed because people keep picking in him. Even your CAPTCHA word was a bit like "anti-cat". I would have used a picture of my cat, originally, but she wasn't having any of that...

Catharine said...

As a crazy OCD woman, I like animals that aren't likely to lick me, fill my food with fur or give me a manky disease. Perhaps that is why stick insects appealed. That didn't go well though.

I have only ever seen 2 photos of your cat. In one she is hiding in your guitar case and there's only an ear visible and in the other you are holding her and dressed as a princess. That was cute.

Innocent Loverboy said...

She enjoyed her Christmas present, you may be pleased to hear.

Catharine said...

was it a tiara?

Innocent Loverboy said...

Nope, it was cat food. Not really a surprise there.