My mother, cousin and cat are in the house and yet I still feel alone.
I have spent the last two weeks in almost constant contact with people. At college, at the James gig and last night wherein my friends and I walked up to town to see the fireworks (although I got bored after fifteen minutes as they were essentially just pretty lights and got repetitive), then went back and had jacket potatoes and played Cranium and Articulate! (which I won). I've been surrounded by people. Yes, I feel really ill (still), but I've had lots of people around me, and suddenly I feel all alone.
For no reason whatsoever. I thought I'd be glad of a Sunday free of any distractions. I even started some college work. It's nowhere near enough, but it's something... and something is a good thing. Downtime, I thought, is my aim for this Sunday. I just want to rest. And yet I'm finding it difficult to rest. I don't even feel as if I can. What I need is someone to take my hand and lead me to a restful place. Someone to hold me and feel my heart beat and tell me that everything's okay. Someone to give me a cuddle and send me to sleep... getting me exactly what I need.
And so I reach out my arms to the big, cold world outside and proclaim that I, despite what anyone may think, feel... alone.