Sunday, 6 November 2011


My mother, cousin and cat are in the house and yet I still feel alone.

I have spent the last two weeks in almost constant contact with people. At college, at the James gig and last night wherein my friends and I walked up to town to see the fireworks (although I got bored after fifteen minutes as they were essentially just pretty lights and got repetitive), then went back and had jacket potatoes and played Cranium and Articulate! (which I won). I've been surrounded by people. Yes, I feel really ill (still), but I've had lots of people around me, and suddenly I feel all alone.

For no reason whatsoever. I thought I'd be glad of a Sunday free of any distractions. I even started some college work. It's nowhere near enough, but it's something... and something is a good thing. Downtime, I thought, is my aim for this Sunday. I just want to rest. And yet I'm finding it difficult to rest. I don't even feel as if I can. What I need is someone to take my hand and lead me to a restful place. Someone to hold me and feel my heart beat and tell me that everything's okay. Someone to give me a cuddle and send me to sleep... getting me exactly what I need.

And so I reach out my arms to the big, cold world outside and proclaim that I, despite what anyone may think, feel... alone.


ladypandorah said...

It's sometimes when we are most surroundedd by people that we do feel completely alone and cut off. Busy mind, busy life.

A disorientating experience, but try not to let it isolate you from those who hold you dear.

LP x

Catharine said...

I want to cuddle you :(