Sunday, 30 October 2011

Soft Porn Sunday: Shannan Leigh & Mike Roman

This one is an absolute classic. The scene, that is, not the film. Although the film's good too.

Okay, it is dumb. It's really, really dumb. The premise is as follows: Andromina, "the Pleasure Planet", has fallen on hard times, so they send three men to a planet (whose name escapes me, but that doesn't matter since it's all filmed on Earth anyway) which is entirely populated by women - their aim? To recruit new ladies to work as dancers/strippers. Hmmm, yes. Sexist much?

And besides, a planet entirely populated by women? How do they breed? One of the women (Alexa, played by Flower Edwards) vaguely mentions something about sperm packets being delivered... but then how did they do this in their primitive days? And what do they do with boy children? Leave them to die or something? Explain, movie! Explain!

Not that that matters, either. They're three rather sleazy men in any case. And naturally, they get captured by three separate groups of women and subsequently have LOTS OF SEX.

So here's the run-down... Jeeter (John Matrix, who has far too many muscles for a man of his build - should actua
lly be playing the Hulk or something) is found by Roxie (Shyra Deland), who promptly makes him king of her tribe, which is a clear riff on the idea of "savage peoples" (racist much?). Cody (Eric Stratton) is zapped repeatedly by Alexa, who takes him to her ULTRA HIGH-TECH TOP-SECURITY IMPRISONMENT SYSTEM where - get this - she binds him to the wall (BDSM much?) for no reason whatsoever. And as for the third man? This happens.

Appearance: Andromina - The Pleasure Planet (1999)
Characters: Becca & Omar

S
hannan Leigh is back, and her boobs are bigger than ever. Or maybe it's the fact that she's wearing basically nothing. Whatever the reason, she is a thinly-veiled reference to all Amazon women, and her particular subsection of the planet (must be a small planet) has captured possibly the sleaziest of the men on the landing party. Since he is a man, they are NOT BEST PLEASED. So they do the only rational and humane thing... tie him to a stake and leave him there for a while before they burn him. What nice people they are.

And so we have Omar languishing against the stake with his horny, busty guard Becca (Leigh, once more doing the evil-but-dominant-but-actually-not thing that they typecast her to do) walking about wearing precious little. Omar (who I've just realised is wearing far too much hair gel to make his predicament at all convincing) is clearly a bit slow, because hours after being tied to a pyre, he suddenly decides to ask Becca if she might consider letting him go free? Perhaps, maybe? I don't know about you, but I'd probably ask immediately. He got the words out eventually, I guess.

"Take off your shirt," is her characteristic reply. He does so, without any amount of hesitation. I think you can see where this is going.

So, after an almost indecent amount of kissing with incredible enthusiasm and throwing each other's bodies around
a bit, Becca starts taking her clothes off (although that really doesn't make a lot of difference), accompanied by music which can't decide whether it's Australian, Egyptian or 80s synthpop. It taken her a while to disrobe, and then she... whips Omar with her clothes incredibly gently? What's the point of that - tickle torture?!

However, finally (over three minutes in!) they end up getting down to it... by which I mean, of course, using the stake as a prop. I think most of the budget must have gone on this, as it manages to hold most of Becca's weight as she stands on one leg and lets Omar eat her out. Once again, it's the expressions Shannan Leigh manages to work on her face which makes this bit work... otherwise I'd be wondering exactly how she's running her fingers through his hair without wanting to reach for the alcohol gel. Mind you, it does work, and then they change positions, her administering oral sex and him... looking as if he's in an incredible amount of pain. Acting the male orgasm never works.

They 'accidentally' tumble to the floor, anyway, and by the time five minutes and two seconds of the scene has passed, they're finally having sex, both apparently having gained the ability to have incredibly energetic sexual intercourse almost immediately following orgasm for both parties. Well, if it works, I guess...

The sex comes in two stages. First, it's doggie style on the floor, with her on all fours and him behind grinding away, mostly shot from the same angle. This doesn't last for very long before it mixes to what really makes the scene for me - doggie style again, only this time standing up, with her holding onto the stake for support. Much better! The orchestra seem to agree, as somebody starts playing an electric guitar - because that really fits in with an Amazonian tribal village theme - while some male voices offscreen make their opinion heard by shouting something that sounds like, "choom cha ta ka ta ka choom cha ta ka ta ka choom cha ta ka cha ka ta cha ka ta cha ka." Insightful.

It's this last bit that's the bit I watch, really. It's not a bad scene at all, but the rest is a bit uninspiring. There's a bit
of slapping and that's not my thing, but it's quite minimal and the main focus is on the movement of the bodies, which they've managed to sync up with the music quite well. Omar's holding onto Becca's sides a lot, which gives a good impression of both support and skin-to-skin contact, and he's clearly making a go of things - it's meant to be energetic, lustful sex, and that's what it is. It's maybe a little too energetic and lustful for the length of the scene, as it's a long scene and this kind of sex loses its impact over time, but if you just took this last couple of minutes, it'd make for a really good scene.

And they're trying hard, actually. I mean, the music is a bit incongruous, but it's not a bad piece of music, and it
works. The set is actually pretty fantastic for the limited resources they must have had (actual burning torches, rocks, twigs, fence, huts), and it's only really used for this scene, but a bit of thought must have gone into it. And it makes me horny, which is the main thing, really. The final few seconds, where the male orgasm is actually done well enough (it's less "didn't get picked for the football team face", more "thrust the pelvis forwards, can I get a hell yeah?") before Becca spinning around to kiss him, are perhaps among the best ways to end a sex scene I've seen. So, all in all, this is a good one.

It's still a spectacularly illogical premise for a film, but with sex scenes of this quality... who cares?

4 comments:

Catharine said...

I love your dedication to soft porn. Sometimes you make me want to start watching late night TV again.

barenakedlady said...

SOFT PORN FTW!!!

BTW, I've given you a nod for the Versatile Blogger Award! Check it out on my site and tell me if you like it.

Innocent Loverboy said...

@C: Good luck, softcore's really hard to find on UK TV these days.

@BNL: I had to read your post four time to find me! And I was at number four, which is also my lucky number! Thank you very much!

[Word verification: "couscous"]

Catharine said...

I can't say I'm all that well acquainted with the late-night Channel 5 schedule, but it does seem to be mostly reality TV instead of porn. :(