Friday, 2 September 2011

Glad to be straight?

If I say "I'm comfortable with my sexuality," will people think I'm gay?

Okay, that's a really odd question to ask. Sexual orientation is always a thorny issue as everyone throws up the arguments of how to define and whether definition is even necessary - with the generally accepted convention that everyone is on some sort of spectrum somewhere, or that you fancy who you fancy irrelevant of gender or whatever, but a lot of people still make the broad distinctions, gay, straight, bi or asexual. While this can cause problems, if you have to label, you have to label.

A friend of mine who suddenly decided he was bisexual (although I don't think it's something you decide; maybe he was trying to be interesting) introduced himself to Knightmare Winner with the phrase, "hello, I'm Drew, I'm bisexual." He kept repeating the phrase throughout the following week. I eventually said to him, "hello yourself, I'm ILB, I'm straight." It has just as much value as a phrase, in my book.

I am straight. That's no surprise. I am attracted to people of the opposite gender. I've never been attracted to anyone of the same gender - I'm sure the potential is there, but it's never happened and I don't suppose it will, not when I have a particular weakness for pretty ladies. And I can say with certainly that I am very comfortable with my sexuality.

But some people don't think I have a right to say that. Some people think it's a gay phrase. I was once discussing a friend with Rebecca, and I said of this friend that she was in touch with her sexuality. "What, is she gay?" quipped Rebecca. Why make that assumption, girl?! (She wasn't gay, by the way. Turns out that Rebecca, in fact, was struggling with her own sexuality - still, it's a worrying sign that that's the conclusion she leapt to). It's sad, really. To think that being anything other than straight is something you have to deal with - something you have to achieve comfort with through time and/or effort.

Well, gosh. I'm glad I'm so normal. I'm so glad that I'm one of the few people from the CCK crowd who aren't in the least interested in BiCon. I'm really pleased that the majority of the Knightmare community is bi, and that I'm a curiosity because I'm not. I'm totally happy with the fact that Woodcraft used to have a rainbow support network for people who aren't like me. I'm totally happy with the fact that because I'm the least threatening boy in existence, people naturally assume I'm gay and then it's funny when they find out I'm straight! What fun it is to be me.

But I'm comfortable with my sexuality. I am perfectly within my rights to use that phrase... because, frankly, it's the truth. I am a straight boy. I hope you can all accept me for that, and acknowledge that I am what I am.

I hope this doesn't change anything between us.


Catharine said...

It's good there are some sex bloggers who aren't bi. :p

Blacksilk said...

This is a very interesting post and one that has a lot of points for discussion, so excuse me if I ramble on. I really liked it though, very thoughtful.

When someone says "I'm comfortable with my sexuality", I actually would assume they're straight but not afraid to be a little feminine or to joke about being gay or to be close with men. So I almost assume the opposite, that the only people who really say it are straight men.

Also, your friend sounds like a bit of a cock. It's that old "I'm 'bisexual', because its cool and popular" trick beloved often of goths and girls. Actually announcing it all the time is taking that really far though.

It's interesting because you say it's possible you could be attracted to a man, which I think is about right, probably. I think people who say they are straight NO EXCEPTIONS EVER are a bit narrow-minded. Of course, I could be wrong about that. That's my gut feeling but I also consider it might be true that some people really are just 100% For Ever Straight (or gay, for that matter). Crush certainly feels he could never fancy a man.

Incidentally, to me "comfortable with your own seuxality" means something different than "in touch with your sexuality". To me the first means "OK with looking a bit effeminate because you're confident you're straight" and the second means someone who is a sexual being, someone clued in to their sexual identity and their desires and so on. Someone sexual as opposed to someone who just has sex. Sex bloggers tend to be these sorts of people, almost by definition. That's just what those phrases mean to me, though.

I'd love to do a post about sexuality and my own bisexuality sometime, I just worry that I'd turn it into a sort of bi manifesto! Y'know, "Straight and gay are so limited, everyone should be bi or more!" :P

I guess I just really like being bi and it's hard not to think everyone should!

Eroticmoonbeam said...

My niche market is becoming a little crowded now :-D

Good for you! Isn't the world great when you can be exactly what you are without worry or prejudiced, everybody should feel like that, we are what we are and it really doesn't matter what that is or what label we or others choose to apply to it, whats more we should be able to enjoy it!!

And yes, like Blacksilk, I think your friend is a idiot... (I like cocks)