Monday, 20 June 2011

Life Assurance

Ring ring.
Ring ring.
Ring ring.

I stumbled from my bed, out of my room and lurched towards the 'phone in the upstairs hallway.
It's too early for this, I thought, as I lifted the receiver, discounting the fact that I must have sounded ridiculous claiming half past ten as being "too early".

I cleared my throat.
"Hello?" I squeaked into the mouthpiece.

"Is your sister there?" said Nanna.

I almost hit my head repeatedly against the desk in front of me.

"No, she's at work," I managed to explain, leaving out the rest of the explanation, she's been at work every weekday since September last year, and it's not likely to be changing at any point soon. I also managed to leave out the point about her dating a 40-year-old married policeman, but then again, Nanna didn't need to know that.
"Well, could you ask her to 'phone me when she gets back from work?" she asked.
"Sure, OK," I said, considering a double-positive to be as affirming as I could be. There was a long pause, during which I swear I could almost hear the gears in Nanna's brain clanking into "continue talking" mode. I braced myself.
"You're OK, are you?" she ejaculated.
I wasn't sure how to answer this. What, holistically? Or just referring to one thing? What's "OK" meant to mean? I'd no idea. So I had to give an answer that seemed appropriate...

I thought for a while...

"Yes," I said.

"Good, good," said Nanna, apparently satisfied that I'd given an answer worthy of a news bulletin. "You'll be OK, something will happen."
Well, yes, plenty of things will happen. But this was clearly about jobs. That's all she wants to talk to me about these days. I've stopped telling her about the interviews I have. Every interview that's not for the position of Supreme Ruler of the Universe seems to upset her, and besides, she'd find out somehow anyway. And being unemployed gives me more time to write my blog, and take pictures of my cock, which I appear to have developed a sudden and frighteningly unexplained affection for.
I cast around my brain for a response that didn't involve the extensive interview planning that I was going to do, but hadn't done yet because I was still in bed. Nanna continued her sentence anyway, so I was saved having to come out with one.

"Someone out there loves you," she finished.

"Oh! Uhm... yes, I'm sure of... uhm..." I stuttered, totally wrong-footed by this change of tack. What, was she talking romance to me now? Nanna doesn't even seem to like me having girlfriends. It's some sort of reminder than I'm not five any more.

"Well, see you soon," she said, and put down the 'phone with a click.

I stood there in the hallway for a few seconds, temporarily stunned, the 'phone hanging loosely from my left hand. I could practically feel the audience all waiting for me to say something. I turned my head to wherever the fourth wall seemed to be at the time.

"Fuck," I decided upon.

Then I replaced the receiver, and walked off to the only place where things seemed to make sense any more... straight back to bed.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Nannas are funny.

So are you! :)