Wednesday, 8 June 2011

Holy jumping semen, Batman!

My orgasm yesterday evening...

[DISCLAIMER: I had an orgasm yesterday evening. Not after the Distraction Club, or even during, despite the greatest attempts of Jonni Music to elicit one. But before. Just clearing that one up. I'm seeing Amateur Transplants this evening. If I orgasm during that, kindly take me straight to hospital.]

...was unusual in that my man juice appears to have acquired the ability to jump.

I know it's meant to shoot out. But in reality, it really doesn't. It doesn't just kind of flump out, exactly, but with my experience of ejaculation, I orgasm so quickly that I don't see the cum emerging - it just appears, like it's used one of those teleportation moves from Pokémon. Occasionally, if I'm paying attention to my penis, I'll see the action, but to be honest, if I'm having sex, I can't see it because it's inside someone else - and if I'm enjoying myself, I'm usually paying attention to what's going on in my head, or on the screen. In yesterday's case, I'd like to think that someone else was aware of that, too...


But yesterday was different. I don't know whether it was the angle of my penis or the position in which I'm sitting or even the intensity of my orgasm. They have been very intense recently - particularly over the past two weeks, in which they've been very potent and I've produced a lot of TOO MUCH INFORMATION MAKE IT STOP BRAIN AAH AAH AAH, but yesterday's was particularly intense. And it jumped.

Literally, that's what it did. It leaped into the air, turned a somersault and fell back down in a perfect arc, landing exactly back on the tip of the head of the penis from which it emerged. Were it a human shape, rather than, y'know, male ejaculate, I wouldn't have been surprised to hear it cry, "wheee!" as it did so. Only then I probably would have run off, screaming.

I probably would have also fallen down due to trying to run with my trousers around my ankles. Safety first.

It was, for want of a better adjective, interesting. But then again, knowing my luck, I'll probably never see it happen again!

Still, it's the Olympics in London next year. Let's get in training.


wife10yearsin said...

Ok, ok. I might need to read this post several hundred times to process it all. Funny, sexy, penis, orgasm... all my favorite things, right here in one place? Too good to be true.

Catharine said...

That's not fair, I want to watch!