Thursday, 28 April 2011

Addiction XVII: Spoon

Over the past few weeks, I've gone to bed, wrapped my arms around my toy rabbit, and pretended he is someone else. Sorry, Oxford. No offence intended, but as nice as a rabbit is, it's no substitute for a warm human body.

On occasion, I imagine it's someone specific. This usually isn't in a sexual context. There are several people I owe hugs to, and sometimes I wonder whether it would be nice, lying in the spoons position with them, making them feel safe with my arms around them and lulling them to sleep with my heartbeat. I used to do this with TD - she fit nicely into my arms and I was used to her body shape, knowing where to put my limbs to fit the contours. Like a human game of Tetris. Not so much with Rebecca. I'm not sure why. I don't think she liked it too much.

But I like it - I like it a lot. I like the warmth. It's comforting. And it's soothing. And, although it's intimate, it doesn't need to be sexual. Yeah, fair enough, it's often better if it is (if you're naked, for example, you get the added bonus of skin against skin, another soothing feeling), but I like the fact that it doesn't need to be. I've held H before (although not in the spoons position, but near enough) and she's nearly fallen asleep every single time. I don't know whether I'm boring or soporific, or just comforting. I'll go for the last one.

It's one thing I miss, and I think on reflection, perhaps the thing I miss most when I don't have a lady with me... the lack of someone for me to hold, and the lack of someone to be held. Even the lack of a bum to curve my crotch and thighs around... I miss that too.

My bed is colder these warm days than it has been for a long, long time.

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