Wednesday, 23 March 2011

Muffliato!

Last night was a whirl of emotion, both physical and emotional. I knew I had to watch the last episode of Secret Diary - my dad was going to bed and my mother was out, so I had the perfect opportunity with the time - but I was also horny. I'd already had one orgasm yesterday (random urge in the morning; weird, eh?), but I suddently felt incredibly turned on, so I tried to masturbate. This didn't quite work for a while... until I realised that I wasn't getting hard because I needed to go to the toilet.

Hmmm.

Anyway, eventually I did manage to finish the task, and considering how long it took, the orgasm I had made up for it well, some of my man juice hitting my chest and even bits of my neck. (Although I was lying on my back... so it's not that impressive). And as I wrenched myself up and pulled on my
clothes in order to stagger downstairs for Secret Diary, my first unsteady step coincided with an odd buzzing in my ear, practically every other sound extinguished. This has happened before post-orgasm, but I'm not sure why. Nor has it happened to this extremity, either. Checking around quickly to see if anyone had sneakily cast Muffliato! on me while I was preoccupied, I made my way to the lounge.

I sat next to my dad as he surrendered the lounge for the safety of sleep. Switched over to ITV2 to watch the programme and suddenly realised that I had a massive amount of cramp in my right leg. Again, this was irksome, but not unheard of. I've had cramp before, after all. Twitching my right leg into all sorts of positions, I decided that cramp wasn't going to just go away - lactic acid doesn't just vanish into the ether - so I concentrated all my attention on the TV.

The advert break came and I suddenly felt sick.


Okay, this isn't good, I thought to myself. Have I inadvertently broken myself through masturbation? First deafness, then cramp, and now this! Am I going to throw up?

Fortunately, I didn't. I've no idea why I felt sick, but my mouth did feel, as I described it in my
youth, "like Yoshi". I was, of course, trying to describe the sensation that, when about to be sick, my mouth feels bigger than it should be, specifically the lower jaw area - which is what Yoshi looks like having eaten a shell - hence, the Yoshiness. But thankfully, dinosaur or not, I didn't throw up, so I could watch the second half.

So I watched.

I went to bed in something close to tears. Very sad ending, and considering it's one of only three TV programmes I watch these days (and it's finished forever now, ouch!), I was not abashed to shed manly tears. By the bucketload, but then again, that's how I cry. I'm well-versed in it.

The good thing, though, was that I had forgotten all about the buzzing, cramp and sick feeling.
The bad thing? I cried myself to sleep.

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