Monday, 14 March 2011

Blow-off

So... today is steak-and-a-blowjob day, is it? Uhm, okay. Well, at least I know how to celebrate this one.

Or at least I would. It's not really a day for me. It's meant to be designed with men in mind, but if there were a typical man, I wouldn't be one. I'm an ILB, remember?

First of all, I don't eat steak. I haven't ever eaten steak, I don't think. I can't even conjure up what a steak looks like. And I seriously doubt they do vegetarian versions of steak. The closest you could probably get is a big version of a veggie burger, and those are usually tough and a bit tasteless (although it depends how you cook 'em, I guess - I still prefer beanie things though, more of a bite), but without actually being meat there's only a certain way you can go to replicating what is essentially a hunk of dead animal.

Second, I'm not particularly a fan of blowjobs. I mean, I wouldn't pass one up - who the hell would? - but, given the choice, I'm more of a penetration boy. For me, blowjobs are a great form of foreplay, but I've never had a blowjob-induced orgasm. They don't really work for me that well, and with oral sex, I prefer to give.
I don't like blowjobs in porn much either. They're not featured much in soft porn (because they'd be hard to depict), but most hardcore scenes I see end with a blowjob - probably due to the "have to cum outside, fuck yeah safe sex" thing - or, at least, an approximation of a blowjob. Generally a lady with her mouth open and a man masturbating in front of her in the hope that some cum will eventually fall into her mouth. Yeah... that's not how it works, people. A real blowjob involves sucking. Tera Patrick got it right in her first video, where she actually sucked and swallowed. That's oral sex!

Still, no steaks due to morals, and no blowjobs due to... well, not through choice. Lack of sexual partner. No blowjobs, anyway. Not such a great way to mark the occasion, to be honest.

Nevertheless, I'm meant to be cooking dinner tonight. Might well go with a veggie sausage. It's the closest I can get to combining the two.

2 comments:

HEDONE said...

I agree, veggie sausage is the way to combine and celebrate.

-H

Innocent Loverboy said...

Glad someone agrees! Ta.