Wednesday, 23 February 2011


Following a quick Twitter-based conversation with Theatre Girl last night, and a related question asked of me on Formspring this morning (which recently seems to have become a "flirt with ILB" column, not that I complain about that!), I came to the realisation that I have never indulged in sexting. This should be rectified somehow.

I've never been that into sexting. I do like texting though, it's a good invention. It's just declined in recent times. Being part of the last-year-tech bandwagon, I use a BlackBerry, and so I get BBM too, which is also a good invention. Back in the heady days of rudimentary Nokia phones, however, texting was in its heyday; I got pointless text messages from everyone, including the customary death threats, news on the next series of Pokémon, and primitive ASCII art of boobs and cocks, mostly from one girl I knew who was convinced she was funny.

And yet it never hit me that one could have sex via text message. A friend of mine in the sixth form discovered a service whereby you could sext, so it claimed, genuine ladies, akin to phonesex, for the mere cost of £1 per SMS. He used it, idiot boy. I was amused, although not intrigued. But it's only recently dawned on me, why not?

I've always been good at cybersex. I've not had it that often, but me being who I am, I've always attempted to keep up a prosaic, yet explicit, style that resorts to neither swearing heavily nor txt spk, which is perhaps the most abhorrent thing in the universe. Of course, one of the main benefits of cybersex is that you can do whatever you want to (as long as it's within the limits of the person you are cybering, natch), as well as the fact that you are effectively pleasuring each other from whatever distance. Although [insert necessary "no match for the real thing" comment here], I promote good cybersex where you can find it. And I flatter myself that, physically repugnant as I may well be, I'm quite a dab hand at wordsmithery.

And I'm not afraid to write about vaginas, which helps.

So why not sext? Well, I don't know anyone who would engage in sexting with me, but the more and more I think about it, the more it appeals. Especially as my current contract adorns me with unlimited free texts. Cybersex on the go? In a quick, concise format that you can revisit? And with a BlackBerry, stored in a thread format? Brilliant! How is this not unequivocally awesome? It's a form of sex you can have on the move... and how else is that possible?1

Yes, there are the flaws. It lacks the spontaneity of cybersex, or the passion of real life sex. But what doesn't? And flirting by text, especially with someone you know you're going to have sex with, is always a lot of fun, and may be more fulfilling than sexting. And I fail to see how it would be likely to elicit orgasm while holding your phone, especially in a public place. But it's the fact that you can sext in a public place which makes it fun, surely?

So, yeah. Blisters on my thumb notwithstanding, I want to try this. Although it's probably too much to ask for volunteers. Craigslist, here I come! (Hopefully.)

1 Don't actually answer this.


Anna said...

I actually don't know if I've sexted. It's a tough line to draw, given that my style is all implication and insinuation anyway. I recently got overly suggestive and flirty via text with someone who definitely wanted me to be more explicit, and definitely enjoyed it. Sigh... and if he weren't in a relationship I'm sure I would have continued. Alas, I am adept at the self-cockblock.

Innocent Loverboy said...

Well, text flirtation is certainly something that many people, myself included, enjoy thoroughly. When it crosses the line into sexting... well, merits an entire blog post of its own! Oh, ambiguity, how I love thee!