Saturday, 22 January 2011

LoveJournal

I try to write in ILB every day, often failing. But I usually get at least one entry out per week. At the moment, since I have nothing else to do, you're getting more and more entries of increasingly poor quality. Aren't you lucky?

I also have a LiveJournal, which has been going for much longer, and is also much less of a read, as it's mostly the ins and outs of my very, very sad real life. Evidently, I'm not linking the two. I'm supposed to be anonymous. I don't often feel like I need to update my LJ so much, as I know my parents read it and therefore I can't lay it all as bare as I used to in the earlier days of my ownership of said LJ. Anyway.

For the past four entries, I've been updating my LJ according to their "Writer's Block" feature, which gives you a question to answer. They are often inane piees of fluff, but then again, the "favourite superhero" one gave me a chance to write for half an hour about Green Arrow. (Although, as my mother pointed out, Earthworm Jim may have been a good idea too). The last two, however, make me sound very maudlin.


How would you describe your ideal romantic partner in six words?
Accepts me for who I am.


This is probably not exactly what they were thinking of - the LJ friend I had who answered this one had a list of six adjectives, which is fine. But that really is my ideal. I don't want to be changed, I've spent most of my life trying to define who I am in any case! It hearkens back to my days of being eleven and my mother told me not to openly say to anyone that I believed in faeries, "...because you'll have lost all your friends before you've made them". A true friend would like me for who I am, not me-with-a-mask, and an ideal romantic partner would be the same. Me, not their idea of me.

And yes, I still do believe in faeries!

Today, this one came up.

Would you ever take someone back after they cheated on you, and why? What could change your mind?
I would, unconditionally and immediately. I may do something like cry for a few months straight, slit my wrists and push them through a glass door, run headlong into a metal wall 47 times or binge out on sherbet lemons, but I'd take her back.

Because that's what I do.

This one is also true, except that my response was a bit more sarcastic than I would have said if anyone asked me that question verbally and I was to give a response. I'd probably stop after the crying made me die from dehydration instead.

I've been cheated on many times by the same person, but I've never been cheated on by anyone else. It's very well to give a hypothetical answer, and to be fair, most hypothetical answers are along the lines of, "yes! of course, love over all!" or "no! of course not, what a sleazebag!". But it's not that easy.

But judging by what I did with Rebecca, I'd forgive. I wouldn't forget, because my memory isn't like that. It plagues me with things like this at the worst of times. But at the time I was still convinced that it was all my fault. That's how I'm wired, and I really can't help that. My halo glows as my heart dies... or anything else just as emo. Put me in that situation again, and who knows what might happen? But my best and greatest guess is that I'd apologise for not being a better boyfriend (?!), and work to continue the relationship.

The problem is, question #1 doesn't work with question #2. If I want a girl to love me for being me, and yet I'd do something to be a "better" boyfriend if she cheated, then how does that work? Because I wouldn't be me any more - I'd be an altered me - and I wouldn't want that kind of love.

Thus ends a much more detailed discussion of how I work romantically than I had originally intended.

Would have been much easier to answer the questions if they were pertaining to sex, though.

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