Sunday, 2 January 2011

Abort, Retry, Fail?

Can somebody lend me the power of Shazam?

When Freddy Freeman (formerly Billy Batson, but Billy has since been depowered) invokes the name of the wizard Shazam, he becomes the superhero Captain Marvel (formerly Captain Marvel, Jr.; now upgraded), with the powers of the gods Solomon, Hercules, Achilles, Zeus, Apollo (formerly Atlas) and Mercury. With one simple word, Freddy can take off into the sky.

My two-and-over-a-half-year relationship ended last night. It wasn't much fun.

I'd like to make a few things clear before I go any further.
(i) The reason is too complicated. I kind of understand it, but I don't think I'll ever fully understand the reasoning behind it. I don't like not getting closure, but there's no option of that, really.
(ii) To use the most analogy I've ever used, I was asked to leave the band. This was not a mutual decision; my contract was terminated. I didn't have a choice in the matter.
(iii) Yes, I cried.

I cried a lot. Specifically on the train on the way back to London. And once into her chest in her lounge. Saying goodbye to her brother was heart-wrenching, her dad was sad, her mother was bitter. Saying goodbye to her was the most difficult thing I've ever had to do. And yet I had to. I was dumped, after all.

The saddest part was being sat in her lounge on my own, thinking. Submerged in the half-darkness, I was totally lost. I couldn't stay there, but I didn't want to go home. I didn't know where I wanted to go.

"Shazam," I whispered. Waiting for the bolt of lightning to transform me into Captain Marvel. Or at least a version of the same - perhaps in green, the only variant of the Marvel costume that hasn't been used. With the power of Shazam, I wouldn't need to do either. I could go up. I could go sideways. I could go anywhere. Take out my sadness and shock on criminals and villains. I didn't need to sit and dwell. But, of course, it didn't happen.

So I sat there and remained lost. Constantly whispering the word that gave me more false hope as my life came grinding to a halt.

Shazam... shazam... shazam...

5 comments:

Scarlet said...

I really am so sorry honey, being far older though not remotely wiser I won't go on about things happening for a reason or doors and windows. Instead I will stick to telling you that if you ever need an older ear, mine is always available

xx

Innocent Loverboy said...

Thanks. People are so kind to me sometimes.

Mister M said...

Really sorry to hear that too ILB - and I'd offer my ear too but it's nowhere near as gorgeous as I bet Scarlets' is.

Anna said...

Oh darling... I'm s sorry to hear about this. Take good care of yourself in the coming months, that's important. x

Innocent Loverboy said...

Well, thanks for the support, guys.

Were I one of those godawful fanfic writers, I'd say something like:

"whoah, guys, thanks for the support, lol. it's tough, but i'm gonna keep going! lol."

But I'm not, so I won't. But you get the message.