Thursday, 30 December 2010

No sex. Period.

I just spent a nice few days with TD. We had sex - once - and it was very good. There was a bit of playing otherwise, but as she has succumbed to that female thing which appears to happen once every month (except, being a boy, I am not privy to this mysterious practice; to all intents and purposes, it appears to be painful and I'm not sure I want to know), we didn't have sex after that.

Not that I mind having sex with a girl on her period - I've had sex with Rebecca, Alicia and snowdrop when they were all having fun with their wombs, not to mention TD, who I've not only slept with but also licked out while haemoglobin was present. Nor do I mind not having sex for a while - I managed three or so years, I can also manage two days, especially as we can give and receive pleasure in other ways (and yes, I am talking about reading stories and, oddly enough, playing Superfrog while she works on her PhD).

I did, however, buy How To Make Love Like A Porn Star on the way home today. My sister sent me a text to tell me that our mother was in what I colourfully refer to as "Move-And-I'll-Maim-You Mode", so I stayed in London for a while and decided to pick this up at Forbidden Planet (along with Green Arrow #5, 6 and 7!). And clearly the effect of gratification sans intercourse, porn star memoir acquisition and, er, Oliver Queen having sex... has had some sort of effect on me...

...because I'm restless beyond all measure.

I know! I'll buy some more books!


Mellie said...

Ahhh... I like that phrase about haemoglobin being present.
"Yes, go down on me by all means, however I do feel obliged to inform you that there may be traces of haemoglobin... but don't let that put you orf, there's a good chap!"

Innocent Loverboy said...


I try not to be too explicit when it comes to things (sex notwithstanding), but that's one of my best Bowdlerisms yet, in my humble opinion!

You'll be pleased to know that I did manage to make my way down tonight, too... despite the haemoglobin.