Three bloody years! Blimey, damn it all and bugger me with a stick if it isn’t time to update my FAQ. And luckily, it is, so that’s saved me from a rather undignified start.
To anyone who’s not sure what I’m doing here, I do this every year because it saves me from having to write a new post. But it’s updated every year too, so there’s new stuff too.
The original FAQ is here, redraft one is here, and redraft two is here. This is version four of the FAQ. I hope it’s formatted properly this time.
Who are you?
I am Innocent Loverboy, commonly known as ILB. I write a sex blog as well as doing other things, none of which are particularly interesting, but never mind.
Age / Sex / Location?
25 years old / Male / London. And occasionally Oxford. My birthday is in March and I was born in North London. At the time of writing, I’m living in my parents’ second house (we moved out of our first house when I was 2).
And what's with the love status?
In a relationship with The Drinker (which I often lazily abbreviate to TD), formerly The Oxford Seamstress, known by other names to me, one of which is 'kitty'. We've been together now for over two years, since 11 May 2008. I didn’t actually think that I’d ever get a girlfriend again, but I did, so, er… there we go. We met through our respective blogs, oddly enough.
What’s your sexuality?
Straight. I’ve never had a homosexual experience and I don’t intend to. Sorry, but it just doesn’t really appeal!
What's your main job? And what's hers?
I was a teaching assistant for two years, and since then I've switched. I went to one of the colleges of the University of London for a vocational course, but the standard of their teaching was very poor and eventually I dropped out, because I’d had enough. I’m now jobseeking, which is a bit of a bitch. But I’m also working part-time for TD’s mother, which is quite fun!
TD is doing a PhD and becoming an academic. I am jealous and slightly amazed at her commitment. I’m interested in her thesis, because it’s a genuinely involving subject, and as a fellow English graduate, I’m glad we have that connection!
What did you graduate in?
I have a BA (Hons) in English and a DipHE in Health Studies. I got a 2:1 (Upper Second) for my English degree, and a Pass for my DipHE. I didn’t get the qualification from the course I dropped out of, but I still think of myself as qualified enough – perhaps a bit overqualified!
Interestingly enough, I also have a certificate in child protection and safeguarding and another one in foreign language teaching. Strange, eh?
Which languages do you speak?
English (just about), German and French to GCSE level, and conversational Japanese (I did Japanese as my minor at university), although my knowledge of all these (except perhaps English… perhaps) is slipping! I am also fluent in over six million forms of communication. These signals are not used by the Alliance. It may be an Imperial code.
What's this blog for?
It's still a sex blog, despite what else you may find here. You'll find reviews of sex products as well as posts about actual sex, my addiction posts, wistful ramblings and other stuff about life, love, the universe and coffee. Except maybe not coffee, since I drink more tea than coffee.
I don't generally write about my life, as such. There are places for that stuff, such as my LiveJournal, and this isn't one of them. This is a much more interesting blog, although you’ll occasionally find stuff about basic life elements, when I think they’re funny enough to share with a wider audience.
When and why did you create it?
Exactly three years ago - 21 December 2007.
I'd been reading sex blogs for ages, and very few were written by boys. There are now a few more that I'm aware of - Todger Talk and The Edge of Vanilla are examples - but most of them, and especially the more famous ones, were written by girls - the Channel 4 documentary only ever mentioned the girl sex bloggers! In my personal blog, I'd mentioned love and sex a few times, but I wanted to muse more upon the topics than I did, so I started a more anonymous way of conveying my thoughts - thus, ILB.
There's a post about it here.
And what's with the blog subtitle? Why do you keep changing it?
Because it's funny. Do you have a problem with that? I like to change it once every couple of months. For the first two days, this blog had my profile as its subtitle, and that just looked ugly, so I made it prettier. And, frankly, shorter.
If you have any suggestions for a blog subtitle, send it my way; I’m always up for new ones!
You still clam you're different. What makes you so different?
There are, again, a number of reasons for this:
(i) I place much more value on love then sex. I'm not saying that other people don't (by all accounts, other people should), but to me, love is vital - sex, while fantastic, can only be a side-effect of love. I can both merge and separate the two very quickly. I’ve had both casual sex and sex while in loving relationships and both have been fine, but I always prefer relationships.
(ii) I like softcore erotica, also known as ‘soft porn’, and consider myself something of an expert in the sex scenes! I don't like hardcore porn nearly as much, although it depends on the situation the porn is intending to convey!
(iii) I'm genuine and honest. I don't smoke, drink, do drugs or even eat meat. And it's not all a façade, that's just who I am.
(iv) I'm incredibly shy to ask people out. In fact, I don't ask people out. I have such a morbid fear of rejection that I don't even try, and the only time I’ve tried (it took me a year to build up the courage) I got a rejection. The two relationships I've had have been more luck than effort - in fact, I think they just 'happened'.
(v) Despite my inner shyness, I'm quite an outgoing person. But it's mostly false bravado. Covering up the shivering wreck I really am does help somewhat.
Basically, I'm not your typical 'lad'. Not trying to stereotype boys, of course, but the unfair image that has been applied to them definitely doesn't apply to me. I don't even like sports of any kind! In real life, the idea that 'boys only want one thing' isn't true. In fact, in many cases they can be much more romantic than girls (a girl told me that, so it’s got to be true)... and I'll prove that to you. Ha!
Why are you using Blogger?
A lot of sex journals are written in Blogger. There are better blog services out there, such as LiveJournal. However, places like LJ (and I already have an LJ, anyway) are much more personal-based and it may not be very prudent to start a blog there if I wish to remain anonymous! Also, quality of blog service doesn't equal quality of blog! There are sex blogs on LJ that are truly atrocious!
I don't mean to diminish other blog services such as WordPress, either - my sister and some of my friends use it; I just don't like its control panel's layout much. Mind you, Blogger isn't much better. It took me ages to format this post correctly!
Blogger also doesn’t have the ‘friends’ service functionality that LJ has. So if I want to link to something, I’ll link to it on my sidebar, never mind where or what it is! I find that a much easier way of networking with the sex blogger community…
And you've written a book?
Well, it's not exactly a book unless you count self-published things as 'books', but for the sake of my own vast ego, then yes, I have written a book. The first print run I did via university photocopiers had some rather dodgy page alignments and picture qualities, so I worked on another one, and the few copies I have left looks really quite pretty. The content's exactly the same, though. You can find more details here.
Sounds great! Where do I get it?
Liar! If you have PayPal you can buy it online (ink, paper and postage don't come free, alas) from its minisite here. Yes, I did the site myself. You can probably tell. It costs £3 in GBP, plus 50p postage. You can order from abroad if you want. I’ve only got a few copies left, but I’m sure you’d enjoy it – whoever you are!
What else do you write?
Songs (I'm the lead singer of a band and I love it; we released an album this year and I’m proud of that), poetry, reviews (mostly of games) and fiction. Through university (first time around), I was a staff member of the paper, and when I was young I ran my own self-produced journal! I was so enterprising back then. It's unlikely that you'll have come across anything else I'll have written online, but it may happen. It won't be labelled as ILB, though, so don't go nuts looking or anything.
If you put “Innocent Loverboy” into Google, you can find comments I’ve written on other people’s blogs… although you should probably just read the blogs instead.
Who did the buttons on your sidebar? Who drew the FAQ girl, for example?
Me, of course. Interestingly, the FAQ girl is a drawing I did years ago of a friend called Anna, at a time when she was very confused. I thought it'd be perfect for a link to a load of questions!
All the other buttons are 86x45 pixels, and all made by me, excepting the NaBloPoMo awards, which are made by them with me adding the month below in coloured text.
What do you think is the best post you've written?
Ah, now this is a difficult one! It's pretty much impossible to choose, depending on what you’re looking for – do you want sex, humour, love, or stupidity? Here's an idea: you read the whole blog, and then you tell me!
What's with the blogroll? Heroes? Villains? Excuse me?
Okay, well, this was an attempt to make my blogroll more interesting. If you're a villain it doesn't mean I don't like your blog, of course. Just clearing that one up.
Heroes are bloggers who keep their blog updated. These are the ones I check and read every day because they're either likely or semi-likely to have something new to read. Villains are blogs whose authors have stopped writing them, or have gone on hiatus, or simply disappeared. They're worth reading in archived form but aren't worth a check every day. If they start updating them again they become a Hero.
Unaligned blogs are blogs that aren't really about sex. They are just reminders that the wider world isn't full of smut. Well, not if you look carefully anyway.
Do you sell links on your blog?
No. Unlike other sex blogs, I don’t really do commercialism. I will write reviews of sex products if you want, but they’ll be honest reviews. I don’t do affiliate links or commissions. The only thing I’ll plug in earnest is the wonderful Coffee, Cake & Kink – the erotic café gallery which had better be back in Central London soon, or I may just scream.
Oh, and the CCK image on my sidebar is a placeholder until I can put a map to their new store, wherever that ends up being.
PEOPLE, LOVE, AND SEX
How many people have you had sex with?
I have had sex with six people: Rebecca (my first girlfriend who left for another man), Louise (an oversexed friend of mine who I still talk to occasionally), Alicia (an older woman who I had friendly sex with), Lily (my only one-time stand, not at night, who was not nice), snowdrop (a friend, but this is complicated) and, of course, TD. They're all fine, last I heard, although I haven't seen a few of them for ages. I met all of them on the internet, which proves that it can be done!
When did you last have sex?
Saturday. It’s now Tuesday.
How often do you have sex?
Well, I can’t really say it’s a planned event!
Who are the people mentioned on this blog?
Okay, well, what a question! I may as well list people here - and there have been a few changes since last time.
The main players on this stage are:
- ILB: Innocent Loverboy, a sensitive and engaging boy with a rapier wit, wonderful blue eyes and a big head like one of those guys from Theme Hospital.
- The Drinker: A lovely girl who happens to be my girlfriend and also writes a blog, although she doesn’t update that much, preferring to work on her PhD.
- All other sex bloggers are referred to by their blogging name.
The people who know I am ILB are:
- H: Is my best female friend. She makes me feel relaxed, which isn't easy. I don't see her as often as I used to, but she lives in London so she's always close by. She approves of my relationship with TD, which is good.
- 47: Is my best male friend and in many ways the brother I never had. He's one of the very few people who knows I am also ILB, and he's clever enough to have worked it out himself. His friendship is an acquired taste, but I can tolerate him, mostly because he's stuck with me through some very tough times, and I'm reciprocating.
- Mini: Is a close friend who I don't see nearly enough. She's also the shortest person of my age that I know, being roughly the same size as my 14-year-old cousin. She is, like me, a lover of music.
- Syren: I hold this young lady very close to my heart, although the only time I did that physically, she fell asleep. Hmmm. She's impossible to describe, but I used the word 'delicate' once, so I'll go with that.
- swallow: I met this crazy girl briefly at university, and I then re-encountered her on the Internet, years later. Strange, that. Oh, and the lower-case ‘s’ is intentional.
The other people who may get a mention are:
- Robinson: Is my oldest friend. I've known him since we were about 3. We grew up in the same school, both went to The Woodcraft Folk, and still meet up (with other Woodies) every so often.
- Hairy Friend: Outmatches me in the facial hair stakes (although I don’t like my beard too long, he seems to). He was the second-most sexually active of my friends, after me, when we were all single. And he's a riot, too. He now has a girlfriend who lives in America.
- TD's friends: Are mentioned on her blog, usually by single initials. Should I ever need to mention them, I'll use the same system (although I only ever think I've mentioned N thus far - feel free to prove me wrong, though...). They’re an odd bunch, collected from an assortment of places.
- University and job people: Eh, I may make up names for these if I ever mention any of them.
- Knightmare Winner: This one's a bit of a no-brainer. You could whittle this down to one of a few different names, but why the hell would you do that?
Have you met any famous sex bloggers?
Yes, I’ve met Abby Lee and Belle de Jour. I’ve also exchanged e-mails with Al Needham, but that was because I confused him with a completely different Al Needham. Nice bloke, though.
Will you go out with me? / Will you have sex with me?
No, nobody ever asks that.
There was one girl once who wanted to do this when we were both about 16 or 17. But she never told me that she was in the least bit interested! Take heed, ladies of the world – don’t wait for the boys to ask, because they may never do it!
Can I talk to you? / Can I ask for advice?
Since I started writing ILB, I've actually counselled a few friends of mine, but 47 at one point as well), who all seem to be grateful for an innocent loverboy's point of view.
The answer, anyway, is yes. You don't even have to talk about relationships – I’m always up for a chat. Just drop me an e-mail or add me to MSN (tim2timmers at yahoo.co.uk) and we will talk, promise!
Can we have cybersex?
Incredibly, people have asked me this before. The official answer is no, ’cuz it’s kind of like cheating. Besides, cybersex is more suited for IRC than MSN, due to the existence of the /me command…
IRC? Are you on IRC?
Occasionally, but usually not on sex IRC networks. Nevertheless, it’s a safe assumption that if you see anyone on an IRC network with the name ‘ILB’, then that’s me.
What's with that e-mail address?
Well, okay, first of all, my name isn't actually Tim, heh. It's just a pseudonym I used before I started ILB, and since it was a spare e-mail address, I decided to use that one. I am well aware that Yahoo! is a shit company, but at least it still works. And yes, it works for MSN despite not being a Windows Live! address. Don't believe me? Add it! Or ask me to add you!
What's your favourite sex position?
It's a tie. Missionary, astride (cowgirl), reverse missionary and doggie all have their merits. Although it's nice to see who you're making love to, so...
Are you a dom or a sub?
Neither. I’m a switch, if anything. I’m not dominant enough to be a dom, and I’m too averse to pain to be a sub! Besides, why do you need to categorise like that anyway?
MORE ABOUT ME
What do you look like?
I'm tall for my age. I'd describe myself as 'average build' - or I used to on dating sites - even though I do have a slightly large stomach. I'm not a round person though, I'm a thin guy who got fat. I have shortish black hair, and sparkly blue eyes (my eyes are the only feature about my physical appearance I'm totally happy with). My hands are OK too, and my arms have a bit of muscle, due to playing musical instruments and computer games. Just not enough to make a noticeable difference.
I’ve got a short black stubbly beard (deliberately). I’m still not sure about it.
What are your activities, outside of blogging?
Writing, and reading. Music - I mentioned my little rock band before, and I've also played in various orchestras and ensembles, although none of them for a very long time. I also once had a short-lived solo career. I like to sing and to dance, occasionally at the same time.
I've also been known to act. My biggest parts have been in Chekhov's The Cherry Orchard, Plautus' Gloriosus, Nichols' Forget-Me-Not Lane and a pantomime called Snow White and Several Dwarfs (we had 8). I also made an appearance on-screen in the movie An Education, but my cameo (where I walked across the screen smiling) was cut from the final edit. My dad is an actor, so I’ve caught this from him.
I’ve started to do a little bit of comedy recently, as well.
Who are your favourite band?
James. By a long way. They have always got a song for every occasion, and I am grateful for their skill and dedication. They came back onto the scene in 2007 and it’s been amazing ever since, despite their two weak albums in 2010. Thanks, guys.
I'm into most rock, indie, alternative and pop bands, though – I’ll listen to almost anything – and I also have an inbuilt love of classical symphonies and Bolero by Ravel, which was the song I listened to in the car the first time I went to visit TD.
If I want to read other blogs, which ones should I read?
Anyone on my sidebar is worth a read, but I’d recommend Lady Pandorah. She’s been a really good blogger for ages and is still going strong. But seriously, read everyone you can. There are hundreds of sex blogs to trawl through, and this is as good a place to start as any.
And what are you going to give me for Christmas?
Nothing. I’m unemployed, remember?
Questions gone unanswered? Probably not. But just in case you want to ask me anything (this is the place where I’d link to a Formspring account, but I’m not going to go that far), just drop me an e-mail, leave a comment, or catch me on Twitter! Oh, and… thanks for reading, if you’ve reached this bit! You are pretty.
And you know what? So am I!