Wednesday, 3 November 2010

Optical Confusion

When I'm with my girlfriend, we can be very affectionate. In fact, it's something of a given. There are kisses, and then there is sex. There's also nuzzling, brushing each other's arms, cheeks, you know... all that stuff that you generally baulk at when done in public by anyone else, but automatically becomes okay when you're doing it. That sort of stuff. Of course, I didn't expect my optician to be doing the same stuff to me. She didn't... quite. But she came close.

I am aware that is is her job to look into my eyes. I like my eyes anyway, so it doesn't really bother me that someone can appreciate their colour. With the ridiculous apparatus on them, they probably don't quite look as good. But nevertheless, when it came towards the end of my eye examination (all fine, by the way), she told me took at a corner of a window and leaned very, very close, while she shone the light into my eyes.

It was like a mixture of being seduced and interrogated. She leaned closer and closer (what she was looking for I don't know), until my hypersensitive cheeks noticed the familiar tickling sensation of hair against my cheek. Is that normal? my brain shouted at me. Surely she can see your eyes from further away than that?! Further in she leaned, until I could feel her nose gently pushing at the side of my face. Oh God, I hope she doesn't kiss me. I don't think that's very professional of her.
"Okay, that's good."
"Hmmm?"
"Now look up at the other corner of the window."

I obediently did so... and she leaned in so close that her forehead touched my forehead, a sheet of her hair cascaded down my right cheek, and I could feel the line of her nose. Fuck! What do I do? I stayed cool and focused my eye on the light (her hair would have been in my eyes if anything else).

And then she pressed her forehead so hard into my forehead that my head was resting against the back of the chair and couldn't actually move. Newton's Second Law in action, evidently. Head, hair, nose, cheeks... I could even feel her eyelashes at one point. Not that I could see anything, of course, because she was shining a fucking light into my eyes. And she seemed to be taking a very long time to do so, as well...

"Okay, that's all done." She removed her head from mine, and the light snapped back on. I was still slightly scared, but she told me that I was fine (or that my eyes were, anyway) and, as I turned to go, she shoved a piece of folded paper into my hand. I stumbled out onto the shop floor and made for the exit. What's this? Her phone number? I looked around to make sure that nobody was watching,then unfolded it with trepidation. It was, of course, the date of my next eye examination.

Sooner than I'd expected, too...

3 comments:

margelph said...

40 years of eye examinations and i've never heard of a clearer indication that your eye doctor wants to fuck you. think of it! once you give her what she wants you'll never have to pay for an eye examination again, and if she dispenses there at her shop you'll never pay full price for frames and lenses once you start wearing glasses... and you will need them one day.

my last frames cost 375 and the lenses were another 600 dollars. i kind of wish my eye doctor wanted to fuck me, but, and this is important, i am not into men. damn...

lacestockings said...

That is not a normal eye exam!

Innocent Loverboy said...

Sex with my optician to get free eye tests? I don't think so - not by a long shot. I am unemployed and there is an NHS. No desperate times here; not yet, anyway...