Sunday, 17 October 2010

Headfuck

Do I have my own agenda? Of course I do. Everyone writes with their own agenda. Everyone has their own unique way of seeing things. Everyone feels the way they feel and they can't help it. But what do I write? How do I put how I'm feeling in words? I should be more eloquent than "I feel like shit." I should be more descriptive than "everything's gone wrong." I should be more blasé than "things happened", but more restrained than "I may as well be dead." Even with the most laissez-faire attitude that I could take (and given a lot of the stuff that's been written in this blog, that really shouldn't be too different), anything I wrote would have to explain, or describe. Or both. Even a sequence of events would be... painful. More painful than I can begin to describe.

Eventually I will get around to relaying this weekend's events, hopefully in sequence. But until my head allows me to do that, it's not going to be happening. And even if it does, "easy" doesn't come into it anywhere. And no, before you ask... I still don't know what I did to deserve this.

2 comments:

Mister M said...

We'll be here when you're ready ILB - and we'll understand if your language is more than a little Anglo-Saxon.

confessionsofanymphet said...

I know the feeling. There's so much stuff I don't blog about because writing it, analysing it, making attempts at snarky commentary on it just make it feel like you're going through it all again. And people offering comfort just seems to confirm how screwed you are.