Friday, 9 July 2010

Colleagues = Awesome

[As ever, names may or may not have been changed.]

Lights up on the staff room at ILB's work. Everyone is tired.

Alex: Has anyone got any more dirty jokes?

Enter Hannah, a girl of uncertain roots. She sits on the highest chair possible.

Hannah: I've got a true story.
Alex: Is it funny?
Hannah: It is, really.
Alex: Okay, let's hear it!

Everyone turns to look. Hannah recites her tale.

Hannah: Well, there was this guy. He was a doctor at a hospital in London, and he decided to hold a house party for all his friends. It went really well, and everyone was having a good time. But then, towards the end of the party, he started having sex with his girlfriend...
ILB: As you do.
Hannah: ...and, anyway, something caused her...

A more senior member of staff walks in. Everyone goes quiet.

MSMOS: What are you guys talking about?
Alex: Just sharing work-related information.
MSMOS: Okay.

She walks out.

Alex: I'm not sure she believed that...
ILB: Carry on, Hannah?

Hannah resumes her tale.

Hannah: ...Okay, well, something caused her vagina to tighten up, with him still inside her. And he couldn't pull himself out! So, in the end, they called an ambulance, and ended up getting taken to the hospital where he worked, and everyone recognised him!
Alex: What, with him still on top of her?

Lydia, a typical Essex Girl, slides off her chair and does a kind of exaggerated cowboy-step around the room, presumably miming being taken to hospital with a man on top of her.

Lydia: Yeah, this is pretty difficult to do.

Everyone stares.

Lydia: It's a good thing she didn't get lockjaw...

She demonstrates. Everyone else looks uncomfortable.

Sarah: You know, if it were me in that situation, I'd have waited at least a day before calling an ambulance! Just in case a solution presented itself... I can't think of anything worse than being taken to the place where you work in that situation, could you?

ILB chooses to remain silent.

2 comments:

J. Alfred Prufrock said...

That's some mighty good dialogue.


Poor Doc. I'd have performed Seppuku rather than go through that kind of humiliation.

ladypandorah said...

Yay for blogging via scripts format!

LP x