Sunday, 6 June 2010

Any Question Altered

The other day I asked AQA (63336) what Lisa Boyle's best sex scene was. To tell the truth, I was bored, and in any case, back in my fledgling days of downloading soft porn I'd already decided what her best scene was (in Friend of the Family, also known as Elke, if you want to look it up... she has three sex scenes in it and they're all very intense). But I was curious as to how some average Joe at AQA may choose to answer that question. I mean, would they have just watched all the Lisa Boyle scenes in all the movies and then made their personal choice? That would probably take hours... and a lot of tissues.

Nevertheless, they came up with an answer: this one, from Sheer Passion (1998). They also, being AQA, came up with when and where she was born and the story of her education. That's not what I asked, but it's always good to have some new information. Granted, it's information I could have gleaned from Wikipedia, but never mind. As for her best sex scene? Er, no. It's just an average scene. She also does some lesbian stuff in that movie, if I remember correctly, but that's also average stuff.

So I wonder where that choice came from?

Curious, I posed the same question, only this time I asked about Jenna Haze. She's different from Lisa Boyle - very, very different. For one thing, she does hardcore porn, and as I don't really watch much of that stuff, I shouldn't really know who she is. But I've seen her riding a Sybian, and therefore I know exactly who she is. And what she sounds like. Loudly.

Their answer - apart from telling me that Jenna Haze is 28 and that her bra size is 34B-22-32 (no breast enhancements? Jenna, good for you!) - raised my eyebrows higher than those kids in the Cadbury adverts can get them: This Ain't Star Trek XXX. Really? They actually called a film that? What's next, Vague Spoof with Sex In It? This scene, in fact. I think that's meant to be Spock, only... well... it isn't. And again... it's an average hardcore scene. There's nothing different about it other than the fact that some git with pointy ears and zero acting talent is boning someone probably half his age. In other words, most porn is like this.

So, again, where did that choice come from?

I guess, when it comes to choosing sex scenes, it's up to what you like in a scene. The reason Lisa Boyle leaped to my mind when I was mulling over asking AQA a question is because her films have been ones I've remembered - because she's a good actress. And therefore the stories built around her scenes aren't so ridiculous. So her best scenes are both intense, well-shot, and built around a plot that works. Her performances in flagrante delicto are very good as well, I may add. Whereas Haze, porn star material as she may be, doesn't really put much work into anything besides getting fucked. She does it well, but I doubt she has many other qualities, really. Makes me wonder if she's going through the motions.

AQA are wrong, in any case. Whatever your preferred sexual tipple - artful, intense, story-driven soft porn or explicit, long, formulaic hard porn - both those performers have their finer moments than those they gave me to watch.

Which begs, once again the question... did they choose?

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