1) It involves listening to the soundtrack to Glee, watching a rented DVD of Lesbian Vampire Killers and eating a rough approximation of nachos (tortilla chips with melted cheese and some dips from Sainsbury's)... and is therefore the strangest foreplay ever.
2) It involves singing satirical songs about James Blunt, The Smiths and medicine. We bounce parodies off the walls and our own selves under the covers... and is therefore the funniest foreplay ever.
3) It comes after a week of not seeing each other. A week of almost constant absenteeism, dodgy signal, snatches of intermittent conversation, anniversary gifts that go undelivered on the date itself and the constant feeling of being so far away that something is missing... and is therefore the longest foreplay ever.
4) Its result? Orgasms so constant they roll into one another, yielding twisting, juddering, writhing body movements and screams so potentially loud that they are almost silent, as intuitive reasoning abandons itself and pleasure takes hold of both our bodies... and is therefore the best foreplay ever.
That's sort of what it felt like, anyway.