I've mentioned somewhere... in fact, it might be in my book, I think it's there... that I have a strange friend who is a furry. It's hilarious, honestly. I may not have mentioned that he lives in a house in the outskirts of London with two more friends. I didn't actually find this out until after they'd all moved in together (er, but... not like that, you understand). In a massive, shocking deviation from what everyone's doing, one of these housemates is currently doing postgraduate study at one of the colleges of the University of London. Wonders never cease.
The other one of these guys, The Obligatory Other Bisexual Male Housemate, is one of the funniest and cutest people you'll ever meet. He's the backing vocalist in my band, cameraman for filming projects I've been in, and winner of the annual Most Unique Way To Work The Square-Glasses-Short-Hair Combo for five years running. And, althouigh frequently known to go wildly off-track, he's rarely given over to outright filth.
Which is why I was surprised to get the following text.
Give us a kiss?!
Naturally, I responded with the likely explanation for the sudden outburst.
Are you drunk?
Planning to take advantage?
I blinked at the 'phone. I wondered what to write back.
I'm in bed with [TD], so this is neither the time nor the place to take advantage of you no matter how drunk you are!
There, that ought to shut him up. Hello, another text...
I feel so unloved now!
The text I sent him afterwards (Go and get some loving from [furry]. Or [PhD housemate]. I'm willing to bet even  is available if you want to go that far.) seemed to end the conversation for that night. I hope he didn't actually follow my advice. But, last night, bold as brass, my phone lit up with the heralds of doom again, and revealed this message:
I need you, Sonic the Hedgehog and [TD] in my bed now!
Okay, at this point I was slightly scared. My response:
You need DRUGS.
Harsh, but true.
The only drug I need is love ;)
Very very scared.
I've got naked [TD] in my bed SO THERE.
How will he respond to this, one wonders?
Well you should know where i am. Get here! Now. Im on the pill low.
Okay, definitely something going awry here.
I have my own pillow!
No contact. I'm awaiting further messages. This could be fun...