Thursday, 25 February 2010

I am electro boy

I've been a student for most of my life and I have attended three universities to date, plus I'm coming to the end of my (hopefully last, ever) course in higher education, so it was probably a bit late to give me a "student survival pack" yesterday afternoon. Still, it was free, so I'm not complaining... much.

I opened the pack in my parents' bedroom. Out came all the necessary advertising for magazines. I chucked them into the recycling bin. Then out came the first aid kit. Very useful; into my medicines drawer with it. And... what's this?

A small, rectangular, metal packet. "What's this?" I quipped, turning it over and finding nothing different either side.
"Durex?" said my mother, appearing from behind.
"It can't be a condom," I said, casually forgetting that I was talking to my mother. "Condoms come in square packets, and this one's a small rectangle."
"I still think it's a Durex," said my mother.
"Stop saying Durex," I replied. "It makes you sound like you're from the '70s."
"I am from the '70s," she moaned. "What do you call it, then?"
"Condom," I said, feeling the packet. "And yes, it actually is. That's bizarre."

There was a very pregnant pause.

"Electronically tested," I said eventually.
"What?"
"This condom. It says it's been electronically tested. How do you do that, eh? Fire electrical beams through it? Wouldn't that damage the latex?"
"Well, how would you suggest they test them?"
"Prick them first with a pin? That's what we do these days."
"Really?"

My mother is so gullible.

3 comments:

Tom Allen said...

They are unrolled over a hollow metal form, and air is forced into them. There are electrostatic instruments that can detect minuscule leaks.

At least, that's how they used to do it back in the 70s.

drowninginthenight said...

Ha ha I love it! Your mother sounds great fun!

Innocent Loverboy said...

Tom: Hmmm, they didn't tell us that at the Durex party!

DITN: You'd think that, and then you're on the receiving end of one of her rants, and then...