Tuesday, 22 December 2009


It's now one year (well, one year and a day) since I started this blog, so watch as I casually cut-and-paste the FAQ and fuck about with the answers for a bit. Enjoy, won't you?

Oh, and the original FAQ is here, and last year's redraft is here.


Who are you?
I am Innocent Loverboy, commonly known as ILB. I write a sex blog as well as doing other things, none of which are particularly interesting, but never mind.

Age / Sex / Location?
24 years old / Male / London.

And what's with the love status?
In a relationship with The Drinker, (also TD) formerly The Oxford Seamstress, known by other names to me, one of which is 'kitty'. We've been together now for over a year and a half, since 11 May 2008. My gosh, doesn't time fly?

What's your main job? And what's hers?
I was a teaching assistant for two years, and since then I've switched. I'm actually in training at the moment, so I go to University (one of the colleges of the University of London, but I won't say which) for a vocational course, but I spend most of my time 'on the job' while learning the skills. I'll qualify this academic year... and yes, sexual knowledge helps in this job! It's not hard to work out, really.
TD is also at a University doing a postgraduate course, although her aim is to continue on and do a PhD and become an academic. I am jealous and slightly amazed at her commitment. And interestingly, we are both English graduates first time around. Hooray for the recession and everyone going back to Uni!


What's this blog for?
It's still a sex blog, despite what else you may find here. You'll find reviews of sex products as well as posts about actual sex, my addiction posts, wistful ramblings and other stuff about life, love, the universe and coffee. Except maybe not coffee.
I don't generally write about my life, as such. There are places for that stuff, such as my LiveJournal, and this isn't one of them. This is a much more interesting blog.

When and why did you create it?
Exactly two years ago - 21 December 2007.
I'd been reading sex blogs for ages, and very few were written by boys. There are now a few more that I'm aware of - Todger Talk and The Edge of Vanilla are examples - but most of them, and especially the more famous ones, were written by girls - the Channel 4 documentary only ever mentioned the girl sex bloggers! In my personal blog, I'd mentioned love and sex a few times, but I wanted to muse more upon the topics than I did, so I started a more anonymous way of conveying my thoughts - thus, ILB.
There's a post about it here.

And what's with the blog subtitle? Why do you keep changing it?
Because it's funny. Do you have a problem with that? I like to change it once every couple of months. For the first two days, this blog had my profile as its subtitle, and that just looked ugly, so I made it prettier. And, frankly, shorter.

You still clam you're different. What makes you so different?
There are, again, a number of reasons for this:
(i) I place much more value on love then sex. I'm not saying that other people don't (by all accounts, other people should), but to me, love is vital - sex, while fantastic, can only be a side-effect of love. I can both merge and separate the two very quickly. I can also fall in love very easily.
(ii) I'll admit that sex happens for other reasons than love - I've experienced that myself - but I prefer to link the two.
(iii) I like softcore erotica. I don't like hardcore porn nearly as much.
(iv) I'm genuine and honest. I don't smoke, drink, do drugs or even eat meat. And it's not all a facade, that's just who I am.
(v) I'm incredibly shy to ask people out. In fact, I don't ask people out. I have such a morbid fear of rejection that I don't even try. The two relationships I've had have been more luck than effort - in fact, I think they just 'happened'.
(vi) Despite my inner shyness, I'm quite an outgoing person. But it's mostly false bravado. Covering up the shivering wreck I really am does help somewhat.
Basically, I'm not your typical 'lad'. Not trying to stereotype boys, of course, but the unfair image that has been applied to them definitely doesn't apply to me. I don't even like sports of any kind! In real life, the idea that 'boys only want one thing' isn't true. In fact, in many cases they can be much more romantic than girls... and I'll prove that to you. Ha!

Why are you using Blogger?
A lot of sex journals are written in Blogger. There are better blog services out there, such as LiveJournal. However, places like LJ (and I already have an LJ, anyway) are much more personal-based and it may not be very prudent to start a blog there if I wish to remain anonymous! Also, quality of blog service doesn't equal quality of blog! There are sex blogs on LJ that are truly atrocious!
I don't mean to diminish other blog services such as WordPress, either - my sister and some of my friends use it; I just don't like its control panel's layout much. Mind you, Blogger isn't much better. It took me ages to format this post correctly!

And you've written a book?
Well, it's not exactly a book unless you count self-published things as 'books', but for the sake of my own vast ego, then yes, I have written a book. The first print run I did via University photocopiers had some rather dodgy page alignments and picture qualities, so I'm working on another print run at the moment. The content's exactly the same, though. You can find more details here.

Sounds great! Where do I get it?
Well, if you have PayPal you can buy it online (ink, paper and postage don't come free, alas) from its minisite here. Yes, I did the site myself. You can probably tell. It costs £3 in GBP, plus 50p postage. You can order from abroad if you want.

What else do you write?
Songs (I'm the lead singer of a band and I love it; although we are kind of inactive we're aiming for our second single next year), poetry, reviews (mostly of games) and fiction. Through university (first time around), I was a staff member of the paper, and when I was young I ran my own self-produced journal! I was so enterprising back then. It's unlikely that you'll have come across anything else I'll have written online, but it may happen. It won't be labelled as ILB, though, so don't go nuts looking or anything.

Who did the buttons on your sidebar? Who drew the FAQ girl, for example?
Me, of course. Interestingly, the FAQ girl is a drawing I did years ago of a friend called Anna, at a time when she was very confused. I thought it'd be perfect for a link to a load of questions!
All the other buttons are 86x45 pixels, and all made by me, excepting the NaBloPoMo awards, which are made by them with me adding the month below in coloured text.

What do you think is the best post you've written?
Ah, now this is a difficult one! It's pretty much impossible to choose. Here's an idea: you read the whole blog, and then you tell me!

What's with the blogroll? Heroes? Villains? Excuse me?
Okay, well, this was an attempt to make my blogroll more interesting. If you're a villain it doesn't mean I don't like your blog, of course. Just clearing that one up.
Heroes are bloggers who keep their blog updated. These are the ones I check and read every day because they're either likely or semi-likely to have something new to read. Villains are blogs whose authors have stopped writing them, or have gone on hiatus, or simply disappeared. They're worth reading in archived form but aren't worth a check every day. If they start updating them again they become a Hero.
Unaligned blogs are blogs that aren't really about sex. I am well aware Chelsea is in this category, but as I'm unsure about whether that's a sex blog or not, I think it's fine where it is anyway. These are just reminders that the wider world isn't full of smut. Well, not if you look carefully anyway.


How many people have you had sex with?
I have had sex with six people: Rebecca (my first girlfriend who left for another man), Louise (an oversexed friend of mine who I still talk to occasionally), Alicia (an older woman who I had friendly sex with), Lily (my only one-time stand, not at night, who was not nice), snowdrop (a friend, but this is complicated) and, of course, TD. They're all fine, last I heard, although I haven't seen a few of them for ages. I met all of them on the internet, funnily enough.

When did you last have sex?
A few days ago - three? Two? Last time TD was here, anyway.

How often do you have sex?
Well, I can't really say that it's a planned thing, but it tends to happen pretty much once or twice every day we are together, unless it's a flying visit. Sometimes more, sometimes less. It depends on the feeling, y'know? And then there are those times where you don't have the sex, but the effects are felt...

Who are the people mentioned on this blog?
Okay, well, what a question! Single Student has a list on her blog's menu which links to the appropriate people, which is helpful, but since it's a private blog, I doubt anyone else can read that! I may as well list people here - and there have been a few changes since last time.

The main players on this stage are:
- ILB: Innocent Loverboy, a sensitive and engaging boy with a rapier wit and a big head.
- The Drinker: A lovely girl who happens to be my girlfriend and also writes a blog.
- All other sex bloggers are referred to by their blogging name.

The people who know I am ILB are:
- H: Is my best female friend. She makes me feel relaxed, which isn't easy. I don't see her as often as I used to, but she lives in London so she's always close by.
- 47: Is my best male friend. He's one of the very few people who knows I am also ILB, and he's clever enough to have worked it out himself. His friendship is an acquired taste, but I can tolerate him, mostly because he's stuck with me through some very tough times, and I'm reciprocating.
- Mini: Is a close friend who I don't see nearly enough, and I told her I am ILB. She's cool with that. She's also the shortest person of my age that I know, being roughly the same size as my 13-year-old cousin.
- Syren: I hold this young lady very close to my heart, although the only time I did that physically, she fell asleep. Hmmm. She's impossible to describe, but I used the word 'delicate' while talking to Knightmare Winner last night and mentioned her, so I'll go with that.

The other people who may get a mention are:
- Robinson: Is my oldest friend. I've known him since we were about 3. We grew up in the same school, both went to The Woodcraft Folk, and still meet up (with other Woodies) every week to go to the pub. I don't even like pubs, which shows my dedication to these guys.
- Hairy Friend: Matches me in the facial hair stakes, only in his case, he's trying to grow a beard. I'm just lazy. He's the second-most sexually active of my friends, after me. And he's a riot, too.
- TD's friends: Are mentioned on her blog, usually by single initials. Should I ever need to mention them, I'll use the same system (although I only ever think I've mentioned N thus far - feel free to prove me wrong, though...)
- University and job people: Eh, I may make up names for these if I ever mention any of them.
- Knightmare Winner: This one's a bit of a no-brainer. You could whittle this down to one of a few different names, but why the hell would you do that?

Will you go out with me? / Will you sleep with me?
This question is a little redundant, since I'm in a relationship, so I'm guessing that if you're asking this, you're either a bot, a webcam girl, or a scam girl. I've got strategies for dealing with all of these, and they usually involve creative use of MSN's "Block" button.

Can I talk to you? / Can I ask for advice?
Since I started writing ILB, I've actually counselled a few friends of mine (mostly female friends such as FL, who has since quit Uni, but 47 at one point as well), who all seem to be grateful for an innocent loverboy's point of view.
The answer, anyway, is yes. You don't even have to talk about relationships - Jessie, Glamour Girl and Anna have all felt okay with chatting away to me informally, TD - evidently - is my main conversationalist (that's not even a word, is it?). If you want to ask relationship advice (well, opinions), just drop me an e-mail or add me to MSN (tim2timmers at yahoo.co.uk) and we will talk, promise!

What's with that e-mail address?
Well, okay, first of all, my name isn't actually Tim, heh. It's just a pseudonym I used before I started ILB, and since it was a spare e-mail address, I decided to use that one. I am well aware that Yahoo! is a shit company, but at least it still works. And yes, it works for MSN despite not being a Windows Live! address. Don't believe me? Add it!

What's your favourite sex position?
It's a tie. Missionary, astride (cowgirl), reverse missionary and doggie all have their merits. Although it's nice to see who you're making love to, so...


What do you look like?
I'm tall for my age. I'd describe myself as 'average build' - or I used to on dating sites - even though I do have a slightly large stomach. I'm not a round person though, I'm a thin guy who got fat. I have short black hair, and sparkly blue eyes (my eyes are the only feature about my physical appearance I'm totally happy with). My hands are OK too, and my arms have a bit of muscle, due to playing musical instruments and computer games.

What are your activities, outside of your job and blogging?
Writing, and reading. Music - I mentioned my little rock band before, and I've also played in various orchestras and emsembles, although none of them for a very long time. I also once had a short-lived solo career. I like to sing and to dance, occasionally at the same time.
I've also been known to act. My biggest parts have been in Chekhov's The Cherry Orchard, Plautus' Gloriosus, Nichols' Forget-Me-Not Lane and a pantomine called Snow White and Several Dwarfs (we had 8). I did make an appearance on-screen in the recent movie An Education, but my cameo (where I walked across the screen smiling) was cut from the final edit. Damn you, Hornby!

Who are your favourite band?
James. By a long way. They have always got a song for every occasion, and I am grateful for their skill and dedication. Thanks, guys.
I'm into most rock, indie, alternative and pop bands, though. And I also have an inbuilt love of classical symphonies and Bolero by Ravel. Srsly.

If I want to read other blogs, which ones should I read?
Well, there are a few I recommend.

And what are you going to give me for Christmas?
This, of course.


That's it for another year. At this point, I'd like to thank everyone who's ever read the blog, the book, the reviews or anything else I've written, and especially much love and thanks to Lady Pandorah for reading and commenting so much, and Lace Stockings for being friendly and helpful recently. Blacksilk, Silver Archeress, and everyone else on Twitter who communicates and comments via the media revealed by Modern Technology. And you, whoever you are. (Yes, you! I'm talking to you!)


ladypandorah said...

Always good to have a refresher course.

And now I want a packet of Refreshers. Do they still exist?

Many congrats on your 2nd year! Mine's due in January. Exciting stuff!

LP xx

Scarlet said...

Lady P, they do, I just had some!

ILB congrats on the bloggerversary, it's always a pleasure reading your posts, here's to many more years of blogging - and a happy Christmas too xxx