Tuesday, 1 December 2009

Addiction XIII: Comfort

As self-deprecating as I often pride myself on being (now there's a paradox), I rarely deny myself any opportunity for hedonism that would dare to come my way, although it often presents itself when I'd least expect it. For me, one of the greatest pleasures I can find to indulge in is finding some time to be in a state of relaxation. As Roger McGough puts it:

When you're depressed / deep rest / is best.

I've written before about how I have IBS, and although I've been indulging in the liquid Mebeverine (although that is in no way hedonism, because it tastes of banana and I hate bananas - and even if it didn't, it would still taste foul, so I need to find some water whenever I do take it), I've run out recently and it takes my pharmacist a couple of days to order some in. Also I'm lazy, so, y'know, haven't actually taken my precription in. Ahem. Anyway. I haven't any strengthening potion, so I haven't any strength, or other such analogies.

Last night I was awoken by throbbing pains in my stomach. That's odd, it's usually my penis that's throbbing. I lay there for a while, wondering if I should just turn onto my back and wait for the pain to go away. I did so, and it didn't. It just sat there making me hurt, like a stubborn cat that really doesn't want to get off the cushion, despite the fact that you need it to rest your head on. Eventually I lifted the covers with a rustle, stumbled out of bed, pulled the covers back over TD ('cause I didn't want to leave her cold), and staggered to the toilet (which, thankfully, is the first room you get to after leaving mine, first on the right).

I re-entered the bedroom feeling better, but cold and a little sore. I shivered my way across the carpeted floor and craeled gratefully back into bed, upon which I found that I'd woken TD up, not by getting up or getting back into bed, but merely by not being there. What that says about us I've no idea.

She sleepily moved over to me, kissed my cheek and then pulled me into a cuddle. I found myself relaxing, perhaps visibly (although it's hard to tell in the dark). Well, I thought, this was all right. Yes, I would prefer not being in any pain, also with... I checked the clock... three or so hours before dawn, I would prefer to be asleep. But this was all right. TD was warm and her skin was soft, and my soft pillow provided a place of respite for my head, which (apart from hurting a bit anyway) had so many things throwing themselves about within it I was beginning to think Valium would be a good idea.

So I lay back, not trying to sleep. I hardly moved - I barely even breathed. I concentrated on the mattress, the pillow, the girlfriend. Rest, softness, warmth. Soft sheets, soft sloth, soft skin. Like a long, steady, breath outwards. And after my brief moment of extreme pain and half-hour or so of discomfort, this was what I needed... I just needed to be comfortable. I just needed to lie there.

And so I did.


Scarlet said...

This post is as lovely as a post about you suffering can be, I know the feeling of waking up simply because someone isn't there anymore.

Hope this comment finds you feeling better

S xx

Anonymous said...

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Innocent Loverboy said...

ULC: Thanks! Having a look at the site you linked to, you seem US-based, so the university I'm at may not be of much relevance, though... ;)

Scarlet: I've been up and down. At the moment, I'm up. Cheers.

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