Sunday, 6 September 2009

Rub a dub dub

Tom: Paul, seriously...
Paul: Did you bang her?
Tom: No!
Paul: Blow job?
Tom: No!
Paul: Hand job?
Tom: No, Paul, no jobs. I'm still unemployed. We just kissed.

That's from (500) Days Of Summer. I just saw it. I don't understand what happened! I mean, it's meant to be a romantic comedy. That's what the first half was. But the second half? Awkward pain for the boy? Yeah, I thought it was a sad film. TD didn't take the same view.

Okay, new topic.

If you're not using the Durex Play massage mousse, you are wrong. There are no two ways about this. I'm not usually this brusque, but it's something you really should be trying, if only because it's a very odd experience.

I guess I have to point out at this point that TD is trained in the arts of massage and is an excellent masseuse. Even if I weren't trying to appease her I'd be saying that. I mean, this girl actually knows how to massage and that's not something I've had done to me often before. But her backrubs are always astounding and I often always have problems moving after one, I end up so relaxed. I know, me: relaxed. That's such an odd concept. But, anyway, we were on holiday (Brighton, yeah? Oh, you worked that one out. Good for you.) so we used the mousse this time, for a bit of extra fun. Well, we weren't disappointed. We were more... surprised.

First surprising thing was how bloody cold this thing actually was. I mean, she sprayed it onto me and it collected into a little pool on the small of my back... really cold. We're talking Father-Christmas-thinks-this-is-chilly temperatures. That sort of cold. Yeah, I'll admit that wasn't very comforting. This was followed by the second surprising thing, and that's something TD witnessed but not me, because I can't see out of the back of my head (probably why I didn't make such a great teaching assistant, mayhaps). Allegedly, this stuff starts out as a liquid, and then.... volumises. You know, changes its form. Becomes more of the mousse I was expecting. OK, I haven't visually seen this myself (I'll have to try it out), but that's just amazing. I mean, not in a relaxing or sexual way, but just cool in a very unique this-isn't-meant-to-happen way. Okay, so those were unconventional starts.

The massage itself was pretty awesome. I've already mentioned the technique, but it's hard to review the product without the methods of applying it. Nevertheless, I shall try... well, I felt TD's hands sliding across my back a little smoother than before. Not that she has rough hands, by any means. In fact, with an irritable back like mine, a sliding hand might not be as good. But it felt a little easier, and that's good. Different.
The temperature thing also played a part... once I'd got used to the cold bit, it stopped being cold. In fact, it presented a pleasant, tingling sensation that wasn't either cold or warm. It was just nice. This feeling also worked wonders for my usually itchy back - somehow, somehow, it cooled that off. Didn't remove the itch completely (in fact, TD gave me a scratch after the massage), but it helped. In fact, I think that (due to the feeling and the scent) that it contains aloe vera, which is good for the skin, heals wounds, and has a nice aroma to it. That's a plus point in many ways.
Oh, and it also took a long time for TD to say that the stuff wasn't present much on her hands / my back, and that if I wanted her to continue she'd better put more on. That's a point that I noticed, considering that the last time we were on holiday together, the massage oil we used was from The Body Shop and yes, that was awesome too, but it didn't last very long. This one was like Duracell. Lasts longer. Much longer.

So, yes. You should get a massage from someone, if you can. And use the Durex Play massage mousse. You need to use it, at least once, because you're guaranteed an experience that is - honestly - very, very unique - to the point of being, at some points, utterly baffling.


ladypandorah said...

Interesting. Is is similar to the white girly hair mousse? As that's all I'm picturing as I read!

I swear by The Body Shop's ylang ylang massage oil, but occasionally we'll dabble in a solid bar massage thingy from Lush.

Ann Summers's stuff is rubbish.

LadyP x

Innocent Loverboy said...

I honestly couldn't tell you what it looked like, my dear Lady. All I saw was the pillow...

Ylang ylang. That's the one we used back on our anniversary trip, I think. I'm pretty sure it was. As I said, that's very pleasant - its scent is great, too. It just doesn't last as long as this one (but I might prefer to use it due to the scent and its 'natural' quality - don't tell Durex, shh!).

I've never tried anything from Ann Summers. In fact, I don't think I've ever been in one. Oh no, wait, there was that one time when my grandmother called just as I walked through the door of Ann Summers in Soho. Oh, the irony!