Saturday, 19 September 2009

Prepare to be boarded!

Avast, yeh collection of saucy minxes an' scurvy blackguards! I be havin' an amusin' tale te tell ye, an' I be expectin' laughter! Yarr!

Well, yesterday, The Grog Drinker an' I be discussin' euphemisms fer the yaaaart o' masturbation - although, bein' a fergetful captain, I be forgettin' the context exactly, heh - but I be assurin' ye that the discourse did happen, and it were amusin' ter the extreme. In fact, I be discussin it wi' me friends Master Bates an' Seaman Staines. I even be discussin' it with our resident ship bishop, Bash. Anyway, one o' the amusin' euphemisms that she came up wi' happened to be "sharpenin' me pencil." That tickled me capn's funny bone, an' many hearty cheers were given, almost as many as were durin' sex this morning, shipmates - although I'm not meant ter mention that, so keep it under yer piratical hats!

So, today we were reclinin' in the ship's cabin, an' The Grog Drinker, she was doin' some work on her upcoming studies. Somethin' about being a buccaneer, no doubt. So her writin' implement, it be blunt, and she asks me nicely, "Cap'n, you will go and get me pencil sharp'ner, or I'll personally make sure you are garotted on the end o' me cutlass, walkin' the plank into shark-infested wa'ers, an' tarred an' feathered, all at the same time!". Well, I couldn't refuse an offer like tha', an' I did me cap'n's duty, although before I be leavin' the cabin, I turns to her an' I says:

"I be just going to sharpen me pencil, then?"

An' the three cheers from me crew were so heartenin' that I just had ter put this in me cap'n's log! Ya-harrr, I am the highest-flyin' wit on the seas!



ladypandorah said...

You deserve an award for that piece of blogging.

I'm now picturing you with a gristly, wiry beard and a peg leg.

LP x

Innocent Loverboy said...

You're close, but you're way off.