I think a lot when I'm on my own, and especially while travelling, and especially especially when I'm on the train that gets me back to me local station. I don't know why, but on many occasions I'm devoid of material to attract my attention - like today. I had an iPod out of battery, a book I'd been reading for hours and wanted a break from, a newspaper I'd finished and energy roughly equal to that of a goldfish. So I sat, and I thought.
I don't like thinking on my own. It tends to upset me, and I don't know why, but when thinking while travelling, I have bad thoughts. And not the good type of bad thoughts. I think about bad things that have been said, and done, and they are both invasive and pervasive when I think about them. And soon, they're all I can think about, and me being me, I sit there and I think and I hurt.
And I hurt more and I think more and I hurt more.
But, as I observed this morning, when I hold my girlfriend - when I just hold her - just a simple action like that... when I hold her, everything else goes away. All the problems, all the strife, all the stress, all the hurt. Even if the hurt that I have is in some way related to her, she is beautiful and when I hold her, there isn't any. It's all gone, all of it's gone.
I need more time to hold her, because when she's not there, I have more time to think, and when I think too much, the bad thoughts come back, and I hurt.