Monday, 10 August 2009

Once in a Lifetime

Amora has a board displaying the virtues of sex in a relationship and a contrasting board displaying the virtues of casual sex. I'm assuming by casual sex they actually mean one-off, random sexual encounters. I mean, that's the kind of casual sex they have in porn, and as we all know, porn reflects real life so vividly and realistically. I wish I were a teacher / fireman / nurse / film star / director / sailor / soldier / prison guard / pirate, they all get so much sex!

I've only ever had one-off sex once. To be honest, I didn't think it would be a one-off. The way my brain works, it went something like, "well she thinks it will be a one off but she will be so turned on by my passion and charm and i'll please her so much that she will fall almost instantly in love with me and we will be together for a long long time and omg i love wobbuffet!" This, in fact, happened, just... later that year and with a much more lovely and beautiful girl. In this case, I had sex, it was awful, I felt horrible and didn't do it ever, ever again. That's what comes from being bad, I suppose.

The thing about portraying casual sex / one-night stands (even if they don't happen at night) is the fact that they (the encounters) happen once, so with a bit of artistic license you can shape them into whatever you want. They can be totally anonymous or happen between two friends, or prospective lovers, or seemingly just at random. And they're made to seem so appealing. In truth, one-off encounters probably are usually really good (I was just unlucky and, let's admit it, foolhardy). If they're not going to happen again, both participants are probably going to give it as good as they can. You should be doing that anyway, every time you have sex, but say you don't have sex every time, and you get lucky once, you're really going to go for it. Hot, sweaty, wild sex. I think it lacks something without any real passion, but nevertheless, I can see the appeal.

But the casual encounters aren't portrayed like that in porn, and especially not in erotica. It's always very intimate, very passionate lovemaking between two highly experienced people who know exactly what to do and exactly what time to do it, even if they are either having sex with a complete stranger or happen to be a virgin. And yet in spite of (or possibly because of) that, there's still a vague, untraceable appeal to just "have sex with someone". As if it just happens once in a while. People on Craigslist seem to think it will all the time. It certainly does for Jake.

And yet it does happen. I've been reliably informed... please don't see this, or run me through with a sharp sword for it... that a person I know once had random sex, up against a tree, in a jungle, at 4AM, while it was raining. With a medical student, no less. In fact, Louise (not the same person) - who I've mentioned here once before - will gleefully list her one-off encounters... those that she remembers, anyway. It's probably easier for ladies to get them. Then again, I'm a boy, so I would say that.

I don't really want to have casual sex. I'm in a relationship anyway, so I wouldn't even if the opportunity were presented to me. But it's an interesting concept, isn't it, that something so wondrous, that used to be regarded as "a very special part of a loving relationship between a man and a woman" (Science Now!, Year 7 Biology), can also be something that just happens... once?

Depends on who it is, I suppose!


ladypandorah said...

Question: Can two people who are in a relationship have 'casual sex' or is there depth behind every time they do it? Say, perhaps, hypothetically in the afternoon when both are really horny and just fancy a shag. A quickie. They both know they need to get off and so they do. I'm just putting the idea out there, y'know?

Or is that just using one another for kicks and giggles?

LadyP x

Innocent Loverboy said...

I agree insofar as sex between two people in a relationship can easily be a quickie, but if it's with your significant other then surely there has to be some level of depth behind it (even if it isn't long-drawn-out-passionate-love-making), because - however the sex may pan out - they are your significant other?

There's also a difference in wanting to have sex with someone specific and wanting to have sex. But that opens a whole new argument...

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