As amusing as this is, I'm not entirely sure I agree. Well, I agree, but not entirely. Well, that is to say, I agree, entirely, but I... er...
...look, just shut up, all right? I'm trying to think of a clever way to say that I like talking during sex! Okay? It'd be really boring if I just started by stating it as a fact and moved on to the discussion! Geez!
Sorry about that, I'm really stressed this evening.
Okay, so, talking during sex. There's talking dirty, and then there's talking. There is, of course, idle chatter, but while you're engaged in the act of coitus, discussing what you're going to be doing on Friday night is probably a sign that there's something a little wrong, unless future planning is your kink, in which case I salute you for admitting it and kindly request that you stay the fuck away from me.
And then there's this, from a picture I saw once but don't ever think I'll find again:
Brock: "This is the greatest night of my life!"
Misty: (reading a book) "Yes yes, magical... roll off when you're done, honey..."
But that's all kinds of wrong.
Anyway, I do like talking during sex. I'm not much of a one for talking dirty (although I'll do it if requested, it tends to heat things up), but I've never thought an odd "I love you" would ever go amiss. The classics, such as "you're so big!", also seem to work, which is odd, because they seem a bit cliché - mind you, they're probably cliché for a reason. And then there's the romantic stuff:
"Oh, _____, I love this so much... I could make love to you for hours on end and then lie next to you while our hearts beat a rhythm against each other while we touch each other to orgasm after beautiful orgasm..."
Except by the time you've finished saying all that, you've probably already finished.
So I'll throw open the floor with a question! What's your favourite thing to say (or to have said) during sex? Dirty stuff, romantic stuff, lustful stuff, or do you prefer a silent floor show? Answers on a postcard, please (or failing that, in the comments box, if you will!). If you're good, I may even tell you mine...