Wednesday, 29 April 2009

Do you want to play?

Sure, there's a lot of porn out there. But when you think about it, porn gets a little boring after a while, especially if you watch the same things over and over again (and because I'm lazy, I tend to, even if I don't watch it that much any more, anyway...). What I want sometimes is something in which I have a hand, and something that has that most essential of titillations, a plot. Sometimes, I want a game.

Adult games mostly tend to rely upon hentai to work, and you get hundreds of the things on sites like which all follow the same pattern: do something odd and get a picture of a naked woman. They're all geared towards boys, it seems, although judging by the comments (after filtering out all the idiots who say things li
ke OMGZ WTF LOL BBQ I'M FIRST INNIT BBK!) girls play them too. And yes, most of them are crap. The only exceptions to the rule are Jake's Booty Call, which is played mostly for humour rather than hot sex and onlyif you can hack the intolerable main character, and the odd series called "Meet and Fuck" which follows the same basic pattern, with occasional flashes of good games somewhere when there's a mission to be undertaken or something that involves a certain amount of skill.

But even though the sex is quite hot, even those are thin on the ground.

And then there are the games you actually download and play on your system, and that's the sort of game I'm talking about. I was first introduced to the concept of hentai games by a friend of mine who had a bit of a reputation for having been promiscuous since the age of 14, and a self-confessed orgasm addict... also my first sexual experience, but I don't really want to talk about that... who, upon being curious as to whether or not I would be interested in hentai, decided to send me a playable game, which I guess would fall under the genre of 'dating sim with lots of sex'. And I duly played through it until the first H-scene, then went on a trip with my A-Level English group and promptly forgot about its existence until I returned home a few days later.

This game, True Love, is undoubtedly the daddy of hentai games, which leads me to wonder why I haven't played it for ages. Whatever the reason, however, this game is needlessly complicated, which is why it's so good. There's no random sex here; you've got to befriend, date and court girls before you actually get to have any sex - and even then, it's only an H-scene; play through to the end and you may just end up with your "True Love" - if you're lucky.

And isn't it fantastic? It's just like real life, only with sex in it! And the gameplay is simple, the girls are hot (Remi Himekawa, pictured, is almost certainly the hottest manga girl I've seen - ever - not that I obsessed over her for a year or so at the tender age of 17 or anything), and the music, which you can download here, is some of the best game music I've ever heard. Its unofficial "sequel", Runaway City, seems to have forgotten what makes such a good game, and follows a much more linear setup. Slightly better hentai, maybe.

Since playing through those two, I gathered a few more, and found that all of them have the same linear quality to them - but since the hentai is specifically produced to fit in wth the storyline, it certainly all looks good. And since a game sufficiently big to download onto your hard drive has to be big enough to actually warrant doing that, there's usually a lot of humour, plotlines and extra bits plugged in as well. None of which are as good as True Love, of course (I'll never forget the scene in which your character is having sex with a young lady while the text flashed "YOUR ADVERT HERE" at the bottom), but at least it's something.

I remember a week at Woodcraft Camp wherein I actually spent all week describing the different characters to my mate, from your best boy mate to the girl who's actually half cat, half angel. Yes, you read that correctly. Anyway...

So yes, hentai games! Why does nobody play these things any more? Have we forgotten our rich, smutty heritage wherein dial-up connections pretty much defined that what we could download was small, ergo a quick tryst with a manga girl was exactly what we needed? I call for a resurgence of dirty games with sweet girls (and possibly some with hot men, come to think of it) - I mean, is there any better way to spend a quiet afternoon?

Well, is there?


Lisa ann D. said...

You succeed in cracking me up. I've actually played one of these games and it was very basic, a free one on some site, so it got boring pretty quickly. But the way you talk about the quirky (almost embarassing?) things in your past is the funniest part, and sort of really cute.

But we all have those things. I think.

C. said...

Half cat, half angel... All that pops in my head is a pigeon with whiskers, but I'm sure that's just a defect in my imagination, lol.

blacksilk said...

Actually I totally play these quite a bit so *there*

Admittedly only the online Flash ones, but some of those are pretty frickin' hot.

Glad I ain't the only one.

Innocent Loverboy said...

D.: Only one? Blimey. And yes, I try my hardest to be cute. Also, I'll win next time.

C.: No, that's... well, that's just weird!

B.: Should've known, you little deviant, you.

Innocent Loverboy said...

In any case, she looks like this.