Yesterday I met a man whose penis, like the rest of the country, is in recession. He happened to cheerfully drop this fact into conversation, and explain that his penis is actually little more than a stump retreating steadily into his body, and to urinate properly he has to sit down.
I quickly stopped myself from asking if he could get an erection and then urinate, opting instead to nod and act as if this were a condition I'd heard of before. I reckon I was quite convincing.
"The doctors say that it isn't going to get any better," said the guy, "but I'm an old man now, and getting older, and by now, I've had me fun, know what I mean?"
And he threw me a roguish wink. I was immediately reminded of the Energiser bunny at the end of their advert.
Fear not, however, my penis appears to be sticking out, like it should be. But just in case I develop such a penis in my senior years, I'd better start losing waist size now, so it looks much bigger than it is in comparison to the rest of me. It's the only logical solution.
You... you can lose weight by having sex... right?