I've always thought I'd make a good boyfriend. I am weak and flexible and I'll bend to any whim - and I have triple-jointed thumbs - who could ask for anything more? So, when I have Monday off and the girl I love is working all Sunday, I have a choice - I can go home and piss about on the internet, or I can stay here and piss about on the internet, with one proviso - staying here necessitates fixing the computer so it can actually access the internet.
So I think, "Easy, won't be a problem."
So on goes the computer, up comes Vista (eventually), a quick diagnostic run and I surmise, "hmmm, it isn't working." Genius. Eat your heart out, Sherlock Holmes. So I try a manual connect with the saved WEP key, and it still doesn't work. So then I turn the wireless router off and then turn it on again.
Everything starts working.
So then I think, "right, well, she wanted to to install a virus protection software," so I go up to the loft, and brush away all the dust, uncovering three different versions of Norton and one version of McAfee - none of which work becuase Windows Vista is a bucket of wank.
So I then run a Google search for AVG Free Edition which, besides being the best version of free virus protection software out there, is free to update for life and also appears to run on Vista. After some careful consideration, it also seems that Superfrog runs on Vista as well, but that's not actually that important. Well, maybe not for her, anyway. I don't know exactly.
It starts downloading, and while I look for a way to do my college work from here (my college, in a masterstroke of bad planning, actually don't appear to have put the work that I thought they'd put up up, so I actually can't do it - thanks, college), it finishes downloading, and Vista handily squirrels it away somewhere I can't find it. I search everywhere, open a command prompt and type "dir avg /s" - nothing - so I re-download the file, hit "open containing folder" and there's the first one. Cancel download number two, install AVG.
Take THAT, Vista.
So, good boyfriend I may be - and if you are my girl, you may ask me to do things - but if you are a computer, as it turns out, I am bad, and you... you are MY BITCH.