Thursday, 5 February 2009

Why Being A Man Sucks, Reason #24601

A few days ago, before the wet white stuff started falling from the sky, I masturbated three times in one night.

Never, ever, ever do that.


You have no idea how much it actually hurts.

This is purely because I have a penis. Unless all the girls in sex books are lying to me, and I specifically am targeted because I am gullible enough to believe this, if you are a girl, you can keep wanking until you are satisfied enough to have had 4982756 orgasms and can go to sleep satiated. This is, of course, at odds with the fact that real girls tell me that you can become sore through the act of sex itself, but who am I to be realistic?

I digress. I really shouldn't be masturbating so much anyway. Well, I've learned my lesson now. I'm not keen on the stinging, and although it felt fine the following morning, that evening I had sex and I revisited how great that felt. Wrapping one's hand around one's cock and acting like you're resinating a violin bow is distinctly unsexy. Actual sex is.

And it doesn't hurt after three times in the same night, either.

Well - not that much.


Molly Ren said...

Aw. And here I always thought guys had the better deal and it hurt THEM less!

Innocent Loverboy said...

Well, I guess we don't have period pains (although I have persistent abdominal pain due to other reasons anyway), but until you're a guy yourself, you just don't experience rub burn!

Anonymous said...

Sex can indeed very easily make the laydeez (as I believe the technical term is) quite sore quite easily. The reason that masturbation doesn't and we can have a bajillion orgasms before finally getting bored is just that I'd reckon most women focus on the clitoris. The inner bits themselves really don't take as much of a battering ('scuse the pun).