Friday, 27 February 2009

Addiction X: Thrust!

I don't care what anyone says, I like the missionary postion. I like other positions too - I like doggie, I like astride, I've even done lying-scissors once and I quite liked that (except it hurt). An old mate of mine once asked me what my favourite position was, however, and I said it was the missionary position - and it still is. He then told me that it was boring. I've no idea what kind of sex he'd been having, because it certainly never bores me. Even Shakespeare seemed to have an affinity for it - "you shall bear the burden soon at night," from the Nurse to Juliet, almost certainly refers to a man lying on top of her... oh, come on, it can't be just me who thinks that.

I like the missionary position for the following reasons:

It's almost infallible.
Boy lies on top of girl, inserts erect penis. Girl adjusts to get used to feeling of cock inside her. Horizontal movement from both parties. (Hopefully) orgasm. Job done... or again. Or more. Adjust due to personal preference.
Yes, it all sound disgustingly clinical. But it is. It's, for want of a better word, easy. And fun.

You can go straight from oral sex into the missionary position.
If you're a boy. And you're giving oral sex while crouched over her legs at the bottom of the bed. If you're kneeling on the floor, stand up and fall forwards. Otherwise, crawl upwards. If you're doing a 69, twirl over. I can't emphasise how important that actually is.

It burns stomach fat.
Always a plus. And I'm trying to lose mine. I may have to have more sex.

Hips getting tired? Use your feet!
Yeah, continuous hip thrusting hurts after a while - although I suppose it depends on how much energy you have, I suppose! But then you don't need to grind away like a python to enjoy sex - if there's a wall, or a bar at the bottom of your bed, or something, why not push against that with your feet? You may even go deeper inside like this. Certainly works for me...

Feet getting tired? Use your hands!
My bed's got this nice head bit which not only can be used for tying someone to... I've discovered that if you grab the bars, you can pull yourself up. Continuously. Nice.

Hands getting tired? Use your hips!
They must have recovered by now, surely?

The G-spot's easier to find...
...although I suppose it depends exactly where your girl's G-spot is. I seem to find that while in the missionary position, if you push down with your hands and lever yourself off the ground, so your torso isn't actually touching hers, your penis angles upwards a bit and usually hits that sweet spot. Usually resulting in a fantastic orgasm. Try it - it works for me. And you get to look down at her tits, which is always nice, especially when coupled with her face.

You feel everything.
And you do - you really do.

I didn't try and argue with my mate - from all accounts he was more experiences than me when we were having the conversation - but I knew I was right. And maybe he wasn't that turned off by it, either. I heard him singing, a few days later, "millions of peaches... peaches for me... millions of peaches... peaches for free... missionary position."

I still can't work that one out!


Anonymous said...

"I don't care what anyone says, I like the missionary postion."

See, thing is, that's pretty much all I hear these days! I haven't seen anyone diss missionary for yonks! Everything I see likes it despite its apparent reputation. But surely by now its reputation must be 'quite well-liked actually'? :)

Either way, I agree. Missionary is great fun.

Anonymous said...

I think I'm all in for getting rid of the term 'vanilla' as all it seems to mean these days is vanilla = boring sex; boring vanilla sex = missionary position.

If it gets you both off, then who gives a damn if it's not something taken from the Kama Sutra using bungee ropes and a crane. If it does, then all the yay for that, but the main aim of sex is to enjoy it however you can.

Missionary is a fantastic position, I can't get enough of it. I also can't get enough of girl on top, spooning and being leant over a desk. It's not what style you do it in, but how well you do it and enjoy the response you obtain from the act.