Monday, 17 November 2008

P is for... Penis

It's an odd thing, the phallus. An elongated clitoris attached to a mass of erectile tissue reminiscent of a bundle of His. It ejects urine and semen (as well as Cowper's gland fluid - precum, to use the common parlance) and fills up with blood when it's happy. It sounds absolutely disgusting, and yet it's a wonderful thing, in so many ways.

The feeling you get when sexually aroused is rather strange, but it's also one of the best feelings in the world. There's a tingling sensation starting in the testes (and you must not forget the testes, my Best Beloved), which is like an aura heralding the build-up of an erection. This then comes with alarming force, because you don't actually feel the blood rushing into your penis. It's just hard all of a sudden.

There's the common myth that a guy can't control his penis, or stop its, ahem, 'growth'. It's sometimes difficult to; even exposing it to the outer air may cause its stimulation. But there is a way. It involves thinking about dead kittens, really old nuns and Amy Winehouse.

And then there's ejaculation. According to Wikipedia:

As a man nears orgasm during stimulation of the penis, he feels an intense and highly pleasurable pulsating sensation of neuromuscular euphoria. These pulses begin with a throb of the anal sphincter and travel to the tip of the penis. They eventually increase in speed and intensity as the orgasm approaches, until a final "plateau" of pleasure sustained for several seconds, the orgasm.

Both true and false. The throb of the anal sphincter happens, but because of the mental (and/or spiritual, depending on what you want to believe) state you're in during orgasm, you tend not to notice it travelling from there. You do, however, experience the throb when it gets to the head, which is essentially the male clitoris, and as you reach orgasm, you get semen... except if it's a dry orgasm. I've always found both to be pleasurable - in fact, a dry orgasm can often be more pleasurable, whereas a wet orgasm produces the liquid, which is always fun to clear up. Although I've never seen it shoot. It shoots out too quickly, so there's the odd moment of confusion wherein it's not there... and then it is.

A wet orgasm's better during sex, though. Nothing like filling your partner up. Oh, indeed.

And it's all centred around the penis, as well. I mean, yes, there are all the other feelings I've discussed before, but during orgasm, you may end up flying on silver wings, but it's the penis that actually has the orgasm. The rest of you just... helps.

So, yes, sometimes it's annoying, often it's embarrassing, and it even gets in the way at points, but I'm beginning, after years, to be thankful that I'm a boy. I may even, one day, get around to agreeing with the Monty Python guys. Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis?

Answers on a postcard!


Isabella Snow said...

It shoots too quickly to see?? I'm going to start calling you the Flash!

Innocent Loverboy said...

Which Flash? Jay, Barry, Wally, or Bart? :p

Molly Ren said...

I asked X. once what it felt like to have an orgasm as a boy and he was never able to tell me. After a long time he volunteered that it felt like a rubber band being stretched, which was interesting but not very helpful. And then I resigned myself to the fact that nobody could tell me what it was like to be a boy and have an orgasm.

And then it was 3am and I was reading blogs and found this. This was way better. I finally know, and it is awesome.

I think I like this place and will spend some time here in the future. You'll usually find me here around 3am, since I, too, suffer from trouble sleeping.