Kissing is amazing. We all know it's amazing - the physical act of skin against skin, lips against lips - it's all fantastic. When my lovely girl departs my company, the last ghost of her kisses slowly dies on my lips... and eventually, fades completely, the last vestiges of her visit remaining in my mind. It's all very sad, and there are tales, as yet untold, of tears appearing unheralded in my eyes under the effects of a ghosted kiss and whatever may be on my iPod. But at least there has been a kiss...
...and then we have the humble x.
It's a fantastic letter, x. The kissing sound at the end of rex, tex-mex and sex, the great unknown in the dreaded world of mathematics, and the humble kiss at the end of a piece of text. Oh, and it looks good. (In fact, the only time I don't like x is when it's after an e. "Ex" bothers me. Thanfully, my ex doesn't bother me any more.)
I've gotten into the habit of putting an x to signify a kiss at the end of every text to my girlfriend. I don't generally do it to anyone else... most girls, I've noticed, seem to do this to everyone, but I save my kisses for special people. My best female friend, H, is special and I don't even send her kisses. (But it'd be a bit weird if I did, let's face it...) I sometimes have to backtrack and undo a kiss I did automatically. I'm also having to re-learn, on account of the fact that I've changed phones recently, and my thumb was already used to the configuration of keys you need to press to get a lower-case x after a full stop.
But I digress. Sometimes I've worked around the idea that it's a habit - because kisses are special - by adding extra kisses, or odd combinations like "x times 10 to the power of 3". I even got a card once reading "one hundred and fifty-sex kisses", which is still looking at me from my wardrobe. And you add kisses to the end of e-mails, written letters (which are fantastic because you can hold the things bearing kisses), and even Facebook messages. Except that's a little weird, but still sweet.
The problem with this x-positioning is that they're all virtual kisses, even if they're not via a virtual message. They are sad, lonely pretend kisses. I've noticed, as you probably all have yourselves, that if you miss someone more than usual, you send them more pretend kisses at the end of the message. So I've come up with a solution to stop myself from being sad at an x that isn't a real kiss.
I see it as a promise.
Not a keepsake, or a wish, or a memory. I like to see the kisses I get as a promise - a sign of a real kiss that is yet to come. A simple letter that symbolises so much more, and something I know I will be getting in the future.
Wistful? Probably. But can you blame me? I'm a lover both inside and out, and if I can convey promises of kisses in what I write, then why shouldn't I?
Why not, indeed?
Lots of love,