Wednesday, 5 November 2008

D is for... Desperation

Back in the days when I was single - young and free also come into the equation somewhere, but I'm not sure where - I experienced practically the same longing as everyone else in their 20s who isn't in a stable relationship did. I questioned the fact that I may (or may not) have been getting enough sex. Many (in fact, most) other people I talked to were asking themselves the same question, the only difference being that they (not all, but again, most) went for the occasional shag, and got it. I was the opposite.

Kind of the opposite. I had the occasional success, which you'll have read about if you've been following ILB for as long as... well... as long as I have, but in practially all cases, it ended up as a failure. One crap shag, one total lack of action, and one weekend of ecstasy followed by a mass of confusion, hurt, and pain. Oh, and a girlfriend. That one's not so bad at all.

But it's difficult for an innocent loverboy to get his foot in the door, if you consider all the methods I tried. I can't go up to a random person and ask them out (I've never successfully asked anyone out; once, and I got a rejection, so I gave up trying), I don't like bars too much so I can't do the 'hopping thing that ranndom-Swedish-girl-living-in-Denmark told me she did, and as I've said before, internet dating is risky at best, and at worst ended up with me having my identity stolen.
Add that to the fact that my profile on sex dating websites went something like, "well, actually I'm not just looking for sex; it would be nice but I also like listening to music and dancing and going to the theatre...", and you can probably understand why.

So understandably, I was desperate once or twice. It's been said by countless people that I've talked to that once you've started, it's hard to stop. But what if you're forced to stop? What if you just can't get any? It's interesting, but also frustrating, what desperation will drive you to. So... I started a sex blog. It was my way to get my views and frustrations out without offending the masses.
And in a weird way, it also meant I got some sex.

I'm older and wiser now, not to mention the fact that I love someone very much. We have sex, as part of a relationship. But there are, as we all know, other factors in a relationship - and without them, as I learned the difficult way, sex just isn't as fantastic as we all know it can be. I'm beginning to wonder (crave physical action as much as I did over half a year back) if it wasn't, in fact, the whole package that I was desperate for after all.

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