Wednesday, 17 September 2008

Innocent for a Reason

I didn't masturbate until after I'd had sex. Ever. As a result, I didn't actually have an orgasm until after I first had an orgasm during sex.

This isn't a shameful thing to say. I'm quite proud of that achievement.

I've been very sexually charged since the age of about 11 or 12. My first erections came from getting a feeling of power, which isn't something uncommon for a boy who doesn't know what an erection is. When I started secondary school, I started to think about sex while lying in bed, because I enjoyed being hard (the weirdest fantasies, by the way, such as being inside a machine which kept you alive while having sex with somebody, so you could be there for years), but I never even considered looking at anything even remotely explicit. The Spice Girls' Wannabe was the closest I got to an erotic video.

Anyway, as time wore on I started to watch the late-night programmes on cable such as Compromising Situations, Passion Cove and Love Street, and had a basically constant hardness throughout them. I also managed to watch all kinds of softcore films shown on channels such as Bravo and even L!VE TV before that tabloid channel shut down. That's probably what brought me my love of softcore... hours of sitting in front of my Gran's cable TV, permanently turned on watching simulated sex.

I turned to downloading at the age of about 15 or 16 using KaZaA, and because of my repeated watching of the films and programmes, I knew which scenes got me turned on (intense, passionate ones with pretty music tend to work best for me...). I watched them on my computer... I just didn't masturbate. All the claims on my LiveJournal that, at the age of 17, I'd never masturbated, were completely true. I'm an honest person... but the other sixth form boys didn't believe that.

Throughout the years, I tried to give up. I consistently thought that what I was doing was wrong. I tried to wean myself off watching the erotic TV, and during the downloading years I kept having massive guilt feelings and deleting my entire porn folder, thus spiritually cleansing myself of the Bad Deeds and listening to James instead.

So, six years of being able to get hard and stay hard without having any urge to do anything about it (I'd never even tried) came to a head when I finally had sex at the age of 17. Hell, I rarely came during sex either, being as I am someone who likes to give and concentrated on giving as much as possible, but in many ways having regular sex opened the sluice-gates for me, and (as I'm sure a lot of you will know...) once you've started experiencing sex you'll find it pretty difficult to stop.

I finally had an orgasm for the first time during sex, and after that I began to actually touch myself. I was nearing 18 now, and that's the age I actually started "doing the masturbation thing" when I got the urge (and when the files were actually on my computer - I was still downloading them, watching, wanking, then after a few days feeling guilty and purging them again). I tried to quit a few times, but that's pointless; it's like trying to quit chocolate. I wasn't addicted, it was just something I enjoyed. And after a while, I managed to orgasm through masturbation, so I had a nicely active sex life both at home and with the then-girlfriend.

When she left me for another guy I was at university and since then I used masturbation - to the same files I'd been downloading for years (but not deleting this time) - as my 'regular sexual outlet' (up to May of this year, of course, when a new and gorgeous lady came into my life and yes yes, I do love her... and yes, we do have sex, I am blessed). I've been consistently told that you can't do it too much, but I did it a lot during uni... exam stress, I swear... maybe I was catching up for lost time.

And so that's how I learned to touch myself.

You can't deny that's an unusual story. The boys in my school year all boasted about how they had their regular wanks; guilt-free, orgasm-focused and regular - and teased me because I (truthfully) said I didn't do it, to the point of saying I was a liar.
I do have to wonder, though, how many boys spent their teenage years getting erections over soft porn and not doing anything about it, then consistently trying to give up and starting again, and not masturbating until after having sex...

I assume the number is not that high. But then again, I'm called "Innocent" Loverboy for a very good reason sometimes...

5 comments:

Anna said...

I don't masturbate. I wish I could, but truth be told, it just bores me to try. Does nothing for me. I do get aroused with - um - outside assistance, but I've never orgasmed and I have no idea what to do about it... I wish I could just buy a vibrator but, as a virgin, that's not as simple as it sounds. Pfeh. Rubbish.

The Drinker said...

... cleansing myself of Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds and listening to James instead ...

hehehehehehe

xx

Katy said...

Anna...

I didn't end up masturbating until after I had sex for the first time. According to all of the sex-blogs / how-to manuels that's the wrong way round. I was also 19 though, which is later than a lot of people.

(I also feel slightly sorry for the boy, as I had no idea what I was doing! But I don't think many people do)

After that relationship ended, I decided that I did really like sex/masturbation. I consoled myself about the boy moving away by buying a vibrator!

I'd say find a 'woman-positive' place, I just went in and asked! The people were really friendly. I got a bullet, and it's lots of fun. I still find it really hard to orgasm, but that could just be me.

blacksilk said...

I was in my second year of uni when I first discovered both the clitoris and orgasms (unsurprisingly simultaneously), and didn't have sex until my third. So I was rather a late-starter too. Making up for lost time now though ;)

Innocent Loverboy said...

It's perfectly normal to masturbate without a vibrator, insofar as your first time you may be nervous (however turned-on you might be) and merely exploring yourself with fingers may be sufficient - in fact, a lot of girls I know don't own any toys whatsoever and still masturbate!

The idea that a toy equals an orgasm is slightly false doctrine; you can even bring yourself/a girl to orgasm by brushing gently up and down the pussy lips, so you don't need to stick a buzzing, moving thing inside yourself to have a good time. Maybe it helps some people, but surely the mind is what gets the whole thing going...