Monday, 5 May 2008

Breaking the Pattern

It's an interesting pattern, my sex life. Consider the following order:

Rebecca: Girlfriend (100+)
Louise: Friend (c. 15)
Alicia: Casual Lover (c. 10)
Lily: Stand (1)
Kitty: Epic Fail (0)

So, since you actually can't get any lower than a failure, I had kind of hoped that my next sexual encounter would be a romantic one - that I'd go back to having a girlfriend and have great sex with her as well as companionship and perhaps enough joint money to get the hell out of my parents' house.

That's not quite what happened - but it wasn't far off.

I'd like to state (and these are her words, not mine - although I would sorely like to say the reverse) that we are not a Couple. We're not really in a relationship, although she turned down the offer of a date for my sake - very gallant of her, if I ever get those kind of offers I'd have done the same - I had to travel from London to Wales (sound familiar?) to see her and she isn't too happy with a long-term relationship which relies on two-and-a-half-hour trains rather than a quick call-up and a bus ride, or something.

But aside from not being a Couple, we spent the weekend acting like a Couple...

- We kissed. Lots. She started it, and she is amazing at kisses.
- We hugged (cue confused look on ILB's face as he realises he hasn't done an entry about hugging). In fact, there was barely a moment wherein we weren't in some sort of physical contact. A regular feature of the weekend appeared to be her sleeping on me (on me, capice?) - a pillow on my lap, her head on the pillow, our arms linked, and her drifting off. Sublime, and very soft. (Every girl, ever, has told me that I'm very comfortable to sleep on indeed. Hmmm, not sure if that's a compliment or not!)
- We listened to a lot of music.
- I cooked her some meals. I'm a good boy, I do domestic duties as well as being a lover. Check me out.
- We watched the entire second series of The Mighty Boosh back-to-back. What can I say? It was raining.
- We went to a small village and took in the history.

And as for the sexual things that didn't take place until last night...

- She gives the most amazing blowjobs. This is not a lie. Five stars.
- I gave her oral sex. This, she thought, would be tricky, as she is - how do I put this? - "on" at the moment. Nevertheless, I convinced her to let me lick her. The fact that some music was on at the time was rather helpful, as I managed to keep my licking in time with the songs. Half an album (that's about 20 minutes if we're counting) later, and she had had probably the loudest and most intense orgasm I've ever seen a girl having. Wow!
- We then had sex, which brings my total of people up to 5 (but who's counting?). Doggy style - I've never done that before. But it was pretty amazing. Neither of us came, though.
- So I gave her oral sex again. More music, more licking, another - bigger, louder, more intense - orgasm on her part. I had to crawl back up to the pillow end of the bed, because my knees had given out.

And now for something completely TMI...

I didn't cum. Not that I didn't want to - I actually couldn't.
This is not her fault at all. The blowjobs, sex, wanking, et ceteri were all fantastic (in reality, probably the best I've had on all counts - ever - with the exception of sex, because I was completely exhausted by that time). But for the whole weekend, I had a problem with achieving orgasm. I was there - I just didn't cross the finishing line.
This is something that happens to me and I like to call it 'stamina', although my sweetheart got somewhat worried that she wasn't doing something right, which couldn't be further from the truth. As she noted herself, there was nary a minute of the weekend wherein I wasn't hard (and if I wasn't, she simply gave me a long kiss, and that did the trick). I just... didn't cum.
I hope she understands that it's not her fault. Maybe I was just having dry orgasms. I certainly felt like that.

Conclusion: Fantastic, but actually quite painful weekend which has left me feeling both loved-up and empty in equal measure. Why painful? Why empty? Well - she didn't want me to leave. I didn't want to leave. We were both heavily into each other (more than was expected, I think), but the distance thing means that we're both still on the market. I'm not sure when I'll see her again and in what capacity (it's really up to her), but that didn't stop us both shedding tears as I bade her my farewell this morning.

Not a girlfriend, because of the M4.

She needs a name for me to refer to her as on this blog. I think I'll call her Snowdrop.

Hey, girl... you are beautiful.


Anonymous said...

Snowdrop! Aww, that's so pretty, ILB.

We've experienced times when Mister has this issue - though not for an entire weekend...And whilst it's a little disheartening for me - I certainly know how she must have felt - it's just one of those things.

[TMI of my own - Still not confident enough to go for full wham-bam-thank-you-mam sex whilst I'm 'on'. Just a bit too icky for me.]

I hope continue to see eachother, despite the distance thing, you both seem to be smitten.

Anyway, your total beats mine *and* Blacksilk's put together! Maybe Lacestockings' aswell, but I'm not sure on that one. You'll have to ask her/recheck.

Anonymous said...

Oh thank God. It's taken all day for the Net to allow me to leave this comment, you know. Bah!

Anyway, you dark horse you! I love the way you sprung that on us all: 'sex and that...etc...oh and by the way I've got a lady'. You may not be a couple, but dammit you're Not A Couple in such a coupley way.

(And hey, at least you can get the train, some of us have to rely on the 3 1/2 hour National Express)

When Fractal and I first had sex, the first couple of times, he didn't come either. He gets anorgasmic for the first few times with someone new. So it seems to happen to more people than you'd think. Anyway, it sounds like you really enjoyed yourself so that's the main thing.

I really hope you guys make it, you sound very good together. Whatever you do, don't let the M4 win. All us gals, me, LadyP and LS can tell you that distance can be overcome.

Congrats on your new bloom, can't wait to hear more about her.

(To join in the TMIs, Fractal and I once had sex whilst I was properly on. It was still great. Mind you, the results were a permanent 'tea stain' on the duvet. Come and lady-ick are rather stubborn when combined :P Do I win the grossness? :P)

Innocent Loverboy said...

Here's a TMI for both of you:

I was having sex with Rebecca, and for some reason, a large amount of blood suddenly appeared (out of her) for no good reason at all. She didn't notice - I just noticed it was suddenly a lot easier sliding in and out of her, and when I looked down, it turned out that the extra lubrication was red and scary.

Whether or not she was "on", I never asked. We did, however, change the sheets post-haste. The stain was huge.

Innocent Loverboy said...


The painful thing is that we are not a couple, yet when I was talking to snowdrop over MSN last night, it was painfully obvious that we should be - we're just not.

And she does show the warning signs... she is saying things like, "you are the sweetest person ever... whoever she is, she's a lucky girl." Damn it.

Anonymous said...

Re: grossing out TMIs - ILB that happened to me with Mister once. I forgot my 'monthly dates'. We were right into it and then he looked down and got completely freaked out at the sight - he thought he'd broken me good and proper. He was so worried. Rather sweet in a icky way.

The stain is still on the matress, and won't budge. Bugger.

Gemz said...

Thank gawd for Cerazette is all I can say. Never have that problem :)

Best of luck with snowdrop ILB, distance can be overcome