"I'm getting worried about you," my Nan said as I munched happily on the sandwich she'd made me.
"Mmmm?" I managed.
"You don't have a girlfriend, so I'm worried about you," she repeated.
Oh, my God. She's about to say, "I think you're gay." I can hear it coming now.
"You should get one."
Then again, she didn't work out that my sister was bisexual.
"Maybe I should."
"Why don't you?"
"It's not as easy as that, Nan."
"Well, where do you go to meet girls?"
"I don't know, Nan."
"Well, you don't go nightclubbing, thank goodness."
"Actually, I do go clubbing sometimes. But I don't go to pull, I go to dance. I get into the club, dance for an hour or so and then have a Coke and leave."
"Why don't you try the Baptist church?"
"I don't want to go to the Baptist church. I want to go to the church I go to."
Incidentally, the church you go to.
"But the Baptist church has a lot of young people."
"Nan, I don't want to go to church to find a girlfriend. I want to go to church to find God."
"But you'll find someone like you."
Oh, no. I'll never find someone like me.
"Nan, I don't like Christian youth. They're all very intense."
"Well, what about someone else? What about the girl you really like? Do you still like her?"
"Why haven't you asked her out?"
"Because she told me not to."
"Why don't you turn on the charm?"
"Nan, I do. I flirt all the time. I flirt with everyone. I'm a terrible flirt."
"You should still get a girlfriend."
I sighed deeply, tried to work out the best way of explaining that it's not as easy as she thinks it is, and went back to my sandwich.