"I have her!" screamed Villain at the top of his voice.
"Excuse me - who?" asked Innocent Loverboy.
"Blacksilk! I've captured her, and Lady Pandorah too! And you'll never rescue either of them on your own!" At the end of this speech, Villain vanished.
"Oh, no!" said ILB.
"Oh, blimey!" said Fractal.
"Oh, crackers!" said Mister.
"LOL WUT?" said Anonymous, suddenly appearing.
The four boys decided to try and rescue the girls because, well, what else was there to do on a Saturday afternoon?
They battled their way through the Dating Site Forest, hacking off all the tribes of money-hungry camgirls. They scaled the Craigslist Mountain, minding all the pitfalls along the way. They even came into a lot of trouble when Anonymous ate all their food, but still they persevered. At last, they ended up in the Stereotypical Desert, wherein they found Villain's camp.
"Hey, Villain!" yelled Fractal. "Come out and face us all! You'll have to fight us because we want our girls back!"
Villain appeared in a puff of smoke.
"They're tied up in the tent over there," he sneered. "Blacksilk seems to be liking it a bit too much. But never mind that - you'll never get them back!
"Ah, but there are four of us and one of you!" said ILB.
"OMG LOL!!!1," added Anonymous.
"Okay... choose your method of battle," declared Villain, "Loot, Pillage, Worms, Pokémon, or Penis?"
"Penis!" said Anonymous, before anyone else could stop him.
"Penis, it is, then," replied Villain. And he got out his penis.
It was three metres long.
"Blimey!" said our heroes together.
"You must beat this one," said Villain. "And no jokes about beating a penis in dubious taste."
Fractal stepped up first. His penis was amazingly long - about a metre.
"Not bad," said Villain, "but you still need a bit more to beat me."
Mister stepped forwards and unsheathed his penis. It, too, was a metre.
"Still, one metre left," said Villain, "but you'll never get there."
ILB nervously got out his penis. It was about 98 centimetres, and fell short of the mark.
"Three centimetres more to beat me," said Villain.
Anonymous stepped forwards, and bared his penis. It was two and a half centimetres.
Villain was apoplectic with rage. "What?!" he yelled. "But that's not fair! Well, you can't have the girls back anyway!"
Suddenly, Blacksilk and Lady Pandorah appeared behind him. They had escaped, and took this opportunity to beat him up.
"Well, we kind of saved the day," said ILB. "Even though we didn't do much."
"We showed our penis length," said Fractal. "Mine was really long, I think you should be thanking me."
"Actually," said Mister, "you guys should be thanking me. I made up the extra length."
"I chipped in, too," said ILB. "Without my penis, we wouldn't have beaten him."
Everyone looked at Anonymous.
"ZOMG!," he exclaimed. "I had an erection!"